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| MY WORLD
I cant turn back time, and I cant stop loving you.
Hey. Had some awesome times lately. Not going to school really makes me so high. There are so many great things bout it. Getting to sleep in, Great breakfasts, Saving money, Having LOADS of free time. Oh man. This is the life. Okay. So there are just about a gazillion books I have read. Among them, I finally read “A kiss remembered” by Sandra Brown. Awesome. I would say. A 4/5! HAHA. Same for “Tidings of great joy.” And I read “Maybe this Christmas” again. As good as I remembered it to be. Well, I did 8 freaking chapters of Chemistry in one day and haven’t continued yet. HAHAHA. But better than never. I started on 1 chapter of Physics. HAHA. WOW! Awesome! HAHA. Okay. Sacarsm does not become me. Actually it does but who’s taking note? Haha. I’m at Chapter 17 of Biology and that’s about all the studying I actually have gotten done. Oh my! That’s actually quite little. More than I would have gotten done at school though. Much more considering I wouldn’t do anything. Hmm. Among other meeting with Ruth and Andrea and people, I met up with Tong last Friday with my other half and Debbie. She now has this weird accent, kinda like Singaporean, mixed Hong Kong, mixed Sydney. HAHA. Go figure. Debbie went to cut hair cos Tong was like 2 hours late. As what we always did with Tong, We did lame things, cracked stupid jokes and told a waitress she looked like Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Love Hewit and all the Jennifer celebrities we could think of. No kidding. HAHA. I saw Daniel in town that day. The HOT ABC Daniel from THAT show. HAHA. And Gail’s friend saw Lok from Lost in Hawaii. How awesome is that? Just awesome. Went for job interviews. It’s so damn good. HAHA. The surveying job. Zara called me up. Offered me a full time position and I’m still considering. 1000 bucks amount excluding commission and 30% staff discount sounds pretty darn good to me. Oh yeah. Think of what I could do with all that money. The things I could buy! HAHAHA. Friday was awesome cos we had cell group over at Uncle Paul’s shop and slept over. HAHA. Me, Gary, Jehian and Jerome played UNO. So fun! I scammed Gary and took revenge!! HAHA. It was all very fun and funny but I guess you have to be there. We went for a joy ride at 12 plus, Robin asked where Gail was, And I said “Cycling to lose weight.” He said “Huh? She’s so skinny!” HAHAHA! And Jerome went “HUH! Which Abigail are you talking about?” I think the fun part was Taboo. That was like too funny. The word was wife. So I went “Elaine is Ken’s…?” Gail shouted “HUSBAND!!!” HAHAHAHHA!! The word: Bird’s nest. “What do they make you drink when you’re pregnant?” “Bird Shit!!” HAHAHAHHA!! Gee. “Aunty Irene is?” “Busybody!!” Debbie was so funny when the word was pornography. HAHAH. She couldn’t stop laughing!!! And then it started getting X rated. The word: Mother Nature. I don’t know why, But Debbie shouted “When Joshua and Caleb needs to shee shee, pu put!!” Everyone was like what?? HUHH!!! HAHAHA. And Elizabeth and Gail was like: “Vagina!!” HAHAHA!! Ken and Daniel heard!! HAHAHA!! The funny part was when the older guys started getting high on alcohol. Daniel was drunk and laughing and giggling. So Ken was like “I think it’s time for you to go to sleep.” Daniel walks up to us and says “1..2..3..!! I can count okay! I’m not drunk!” We’re like, “ Okay. He is so drunk!!” “Call me drunk one more time and I’ll wallop you!!! HEHEE!” HAHA. Then he walks to the gate and stands there for a minute trying to open it when it wasn’t even locked! HAHA. At around 2, Me, Gary, Robin, Jacque and Gail went cycling. Jehian and Jerome joined in half way. HAH. We cycled all the way to Esplanade. So good. When we came back there was like a whole lot of cops. HAHA. The funny thing was: “I’ve never seen a road without a path before.” HAHA. Went to sleep at around 4.30 after climbing through one of the windows in the chalet to take a shower. Gosh. Gary kept waking me up. And they were snoring so loudly!! At 5.30, Aunty Darell’s watch timer started beeping! Then everytime Gary turned he woke me up. There were this bunch of people hanging outside the shop like smoking and making so much noise. Then another group walked past shouting. I sat up and I was like “WHAT THE HELL!” I was really pissed cos I couldn’t sleep! The girl went “Oh sorry, sorry! Goodnight.” Then somebody walked past and shouted “Wake up!! Wake up!!” UGH! HAHA. Actually it was all very fun. Cos me and Gary would always be the only ones awake, we would make noise and then go to sleep again. Hahaha. Teresa and all woke us up at 7.30. Talk bout a lack of sleep. Hahah. Aunty Yen was like “Oh no!! Who’s preaching today? We’re gonna sleep!” HAH. Stayed over on Saturday too. Biology practical was kinda okay. The fun part was being quarantined and cracking all the jokes with Shu shan and all, Talking bout Grey’s. Oh yeah!! Episode 3!! “He's crashing our date.” “He needs all the help he can get .” HAHA. I was really annoyed with Derek at that time! Derek being childish and fighting with Finn! The bedroom scene. “My fantasy does not involve two men looking at each other.” HAHHA. And the look on Derek’s face!!! HE lloked like a little boy ready and eager to do anything!! HAHAHA I cant stand Episode 4. The spoiler was really a spoiler!! And Derek is damn bloody stupid!! AUGHH!!! The thing is, I cant compete. I cant compete with her, and all the other great girls in your life. I cant make you happy, I cant make you laugh and look at me with that mixture of tenderness and love on your face. And I cant make you love me. I cant compete. I give up. At least I say I do. But everytime I look at you, I cant forget, I cant walk away. I cant because I love you too damn much. Not because you’re perfect. Your imperfections make you human. But the thing is, I love you so much despite your imperfections. Maybe that’s why all this hurts. The way I don’t mean half of how much you mean to me. The Girl Behind the Screen, 1:34 PM
Grey's obsession
He's 40 and still darn hot! Patrick Dempsey! And I'm so physched up bout Eric Dane being in the official cast!! HAHA. All the hotties!!! Some Mark scenes from Grey's Season 2's episode: Yesterday. Mark: How come you can forgive her but not me? Derek: I havent forgiven her, and with you I have no obligation to try. Mark to Addison: We made mistakes. All 3 of us. But somehow, I lost my best friend and the woman I love. ARGGHH!!! Grey's Season 3 Episode 1: The time has come today. DEREK: "There are moments. O'Malley... moments that in a split second your life changes forever, and before you know it... you're somewhere else." [In flashback] JOE: "Straight tequila? Really? You are going to be sorry in the morning." MEREDITH: "I'm always sorry in the morning. But tomorrow is my first day at work, so keep 'em coming." DEREK: "Double scotch, single malt please. [To Meredith] So, is this a good place to hang out?" MEREDITH: "I wouldn't know, never been here before." DEREK: "You know what? I haven't either. First time here. I'm new in town. Never been to Seattle. New job soon. Ah, you're ignoring me." MEREDITH: "Trying to." DEREK: "You shouldnt ignore me." MEREDITH: "Why not?" DEREK: "Cos you could come to love me." MEREDITH: "So you're saying if I know you I would love you?" DEREK: "Yeap." MEREDITH: "Wow. You really do like yourself." HAHAHA MEREDITH: "I don’t what to say to you." IZZIE: "When Dylan died, when, when the bomb went off, did you feel like..." MEREDITH: "What?"IZZIE: "Like you were moving in slow motion?" MEREDITH: "He was there and then he wasn’t. Like I blinked and he was gone." IZZIE: "I feel like... I'm moving in slow motion. Like I’m moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving so fast and I just wanna go back... to when things were normal... when I wasn’t poor Izzie laying on the bathroom floor in her prom dress with her... her dead fiancé. But I am, so I can’t. And I’m.. just stuck. And there’s all this pressure cause everyone’s hovering around me waiting for me to do something or say some thing or flip out or yell or cry some more and I’m happy to play my part. I’m happy to say the lines and do what ever it is that I’m supposed to be doing if it will make everyone feel more comfortable... but I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be this person. I don’t know who this person is." [in flashback] ADDISON: "Derek, Derek, Derek, you can't do this, Derek. Derek, we have to, we have to talk about this. You have to give me a chance to explain. What are you doing? What are you doing with my clothes, Derek?! It was one time. I know that's what people say. I know that is what always gets said. It's just I don't even know how it happened, I don't know what I was thinking. It was just he was just here, it was just-" DEREK: "You screw my best friend and all you have to say is, 'He was just here?' [throws her clothes out the door] Get out." ADDISON: "No." DEREK: "Get out!" ADDISON: "No, no I'm not going." DEREK: "Get out of my house now!" [in flashback] ADDISON: "We can survive this. We're Addison and Derek!" DEREK: "I can't look at you. I look at you and feel nauseous ... we're not Derek and Addison anymore." This is so tragically sad. The “he was just here” actually said a lot. Derek was absent, and Mark, Mark was always there for her. IZZIE: "You know they took his body away. I'll never see him again. How would you feel if you never saw Burke again?" IZZIE: "How did this happen? Why did we end up here? Why am I alone? Where's Denny?" MEREDITH: "You're not alone, Izz." IZZIE: "I just wanna go back to when things were normal, when I wasn't poor Izzie laying on the bathroom floor in her prom dress..." CRISTINA: "What is wrong with you?" MEREDITH: "Everything with me is fine, it's Izzie we're worried about." CRISTINA: "Oh, what did you do?" MEREDITH: "Denny died. Burke got shot. Let's just have a little perspective and realize that what I did was a tiny, slightly small..." CRISTINA: "Oh, whatever, just spit it out!" MEREDITH: "I lost my panties, last night." CRISTINA: "He has sex with you and he's standing there all McGuilty and all he has to say is, 'What does this mean?'" HAHAH! Grey’s Season 3 Episode 2:I am a tree DEREK: "Okay Benjamin, Dr. Yang, as pinched and annoyed as she might be, is going to prep you for surgery today. Have you any questions for me?" BENJAMIN: "Is that blonde your girlfriend? 'Cause the way you keep looking at her, you might as well just mount her right here, right now." [pauses as Derek tries not to laugh] "I'm sorry, was I rude?" HAHAHAHHH!!!!! CRISTINA: "Bailey's on the warpath ... not the German warpath. The hospital warpath." It’s hilarious to see Christina intimidated. HAH! FINN: "You bowing out?" DEREK: "No. You?" FINN: "I don't think so." ADDISON: "Dr. Stevens!" IZZIE: "Please don't call me doctor." ADDISON: "Oookay, well, please don't call me Mrs. Shepherd! Ha! That's funny." IZZIE: "She's drunk."JOE: "This is true." ADDISON: "Did you know about the slutty sex your slutty friend had with my super slutty husband?" IZZIE: "You should have a muffin. They're really good and they help you." ADDISON: "I may be beyond help." IZZIE: [walks out] "Yeah, me too. Don't let her drive Joe." ADDISON: [eats a muffin] "Mmm. Good!" DEREK: "This is a change. From the elevator. A little bit more public. I like that." MEREDITH: "You're married. You're married and you said things to me." MEREDITH: "Normally I would like the things you said to me. Normally I would even think the bulletin board thing was funny." DEREK: "Bulletin board thing? What are you talking about?" MEREDITH: "But you're married. Which makes none of this normal. It makes me a home-wrecker and I hate the fact that I'm a home-wrecker." DEREK: "Meredith. I'm not going to pressure you. Take all the time you need. Just so you have all the information. But my home was wrecked way before you came into the picture. I am just now done trying to rebuild it." MIRANDA: "You can tell me... who's damn panties are on the bulletin board!?"[whispering about the panties] CRISTINA: "Yours?" MEREDITH: "This is bad, this isn't good." CRISTINA: "You better claim them. She thinks they are mine. Claim them!" MEREDITH: "No!" MIRANDA: "I know it's one of you. It's always one of mine. Always." ADDISON: "I thought you were room service." DEREK: "I feel terrible. I'm not proud of what I did. You deserve better. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about the panties, the prom. I'm sorry I did that." ADDISON: "Yeah. I'm sorry I did that, too." DEREK: "Our marriage is over." ADDISON: "Yeah. I guess it is." DEREK: "It's all my fault. This is incredibly sad. Incredibly sad." [Bathroom door opens] MARK: "This is awkward." DEREK: [looks at Addison] "I feel much better now." HAHAH!! And Mark is so damn hot in this!! They had to use double scotch tape to hold up the towel!! HAHAH! OUCH!! MEREDITH: [grabs George] "George! Callie is hot. She's really sexy, almost dirty hot. And she's hot for you. In my opinion you could keep using the darts as a weapons or you could go get lucky with the sexy hot dirty girl." [George leaves and Cristina enters] CRISTINA: "Where's he going?" MEREDITH: "To get laid." CRISTINA: "There's something wrong in the world when bambi's getting laid and I can't get five minutes alone with Burke." Grey's Season 3 Episode 3: Sometimes a Fantasy IZZIE: "I hate the bride thing. I hate the pictures in the magazines of the girl with the veil... and the flowers that she's sniffing. Like it never occurred to her to put her nose in there until there was a camera pointed at her. I hate the idea of bridesmaids... and the colors... and does the bustle make my ass look bigger or smaller. I hate the whole thing and I never wanted to be that girl. That girl is stupid... shallow. Why the hell is that girl sauntering through my head?" That is just so damn sad. ALEX: "Does it hurt?" IZZIE: "Yeah." ALEX: "Where does it hurt?" IZZIE: "Everywhere..." ALEX: "Maybe it hurts for a reason." Alex actually is a really great sweet guy you know. In moments like this, you just love him. CRISTINA: [about Meredith] "She's dating everyone with a pulse and I'm trying to get Burke out of the bell jar." ROFLMAO!!!! ADDISON: "Here's the thing. We both really enjoy each other. Before... and now again and I think that's a healthy realease and I... I think it's healthy... for everyone involved but I do think just because I made what can only be called a transcontintental booty call, doesn't mean we should be trying to make something out of this and we... Stop doing that!" MARK: "We're good together." ADDISON: "We aren't. You need to go home." MARK: "Come back with me." ADDISON: "You're insane. You're not going back... I'm not going back to New York." MARK: "Because it was just about the sex." ADDISON: [slaps him as they almost kiss] "Oh! Um... okay. Well... goodbye." MARK: "Bye." I really felt sad for Mark when Addison stood there and said, "Thanks for the sex." People blame Mark for sleeping with Addison, but Addison's to blame too. The guy loves her. And he's always there for her, she's drunk, she makes a call, and he flies over! Cos he loves her, and what he gets is a "Thanks for the sex?" When he checks in at the end of the episode, asking for a room on the 21st floor and Richard asks him "What are you goinh here?" And he goes, " I dont know, I have a thing for ferry boats." It's sad. Cos we all know that he's there for Addison. MEREDITH: "I'm dating. And it comes with snacks." HAHA!! CRISTINA: "Oh look - she's laughing. Because he made a joke, which probably wasn't funny. Ohhh, you funny vet!" HAHA. Christina is sooo funny jealous. HAHA. MEREDITH: "Hey!" FINN: "I was in the neighborhood. Well, really I wasn't, but you are worth the detour." MEREDITH: "I had a dream about you last night." FINN: "Was it a good dream?" MEREDITH: "It was." FINN: "What was I doing?" CRISTINA: "Yeah, Mer, what was he doing?" MEREDITH: "What's that?" FINN: "It's for you. It's coffee cake, best in the Northwest. I thought I would soften you up. So when I'm asking you for dinner tonight, you have to say yes." CRISTINA: "Dinner? Tonight? How about that. Are you free tonight? Are you?" (HAHAH!! Christina is irritatingly hilarious!!!) MEREDITH: "Actually, I'm not free tonight." FINN: "Oh. Okay. How about lunch then?" FINN: "Strawberry ice cream. A patient of mine made it." DEREK: "Don't you mean your patient's owner?" MEREDITH: "What exactly is going on here?" DEREK: "He's crashing our date." FINN: "Well, where do you think I got that idea?" DEREK: "I didn't crash your date, it was professional." FINN: "You can't operate without her?" DEREK: "I certainly operate well with her." MEREDITH: "Enough! This is not dating. I want moonlight, and flowers, and candy, and people trying to feel me up. Nobody is trying to feel me up. Nobody is even looking at me. I'm an intern, do the two of you have any idea how much effort it takes to do all this? I am waxed and plucked and I have a clean top on. And the two of you are looking at each other." DEREK: "Meredith..." MEREDITH: "No, my fantasy is not two men looking at each other." FINN: "We didn't...." MEREDITH: "No talking until one of you figures out how to put on a date. I want heat! I want romance! Damn it, I want to feel like a freaking lady!"HAHA!!! Oh man!! Derek's face was a classic!!!! Eric Dane: "I go to the gym four times a week. When I am 60, I want to feel like I am 40. I lift weights and I have a really good trainer," he tells EW. "I eat whatever I get my hands on. You could bottle my metabolism and we would all be billionaires. I miss a meal, I lose five pounds." Patrick Dempsey: "Derek is a neurosurgeon," Dempsey said. "He's McDreamy. I don't think he's a real kind of guy, but that's OK." The just seemed to insult his gender with that quote, although we suppose Dr. Sheperd does set the bar a bit high. Dempsey also shared a story of a recent plane flight when he was asked to help another passenger that suddenly became ill. "There was a seizure, but I didn't get involved," he said. "People looked at me and it was like, 'Are you going to respond to this?'. I'm like, 'Certainly not, I'm not a surgeon'. People just expect I know how to do a craniotomy." Chris: On the innocence of children: "I had this plate I won at a golf tournament on the top shelf in my library, and Chip wanted to see it, so he climbed up. Naturally, the thing fell and shattered into a thousand pieces. I came home and you could just see the devastation. He felt so bad. He couldn't even get it out of his mouth. 'Daddy, I… I… I… br… br… br…' It was so sweet. I just held him. Talking about my kids just makes me emotional. [Before Finn was born], Lily wanted a girl so bad, she would tell us that if it was a boy, 'I am packing my bags and I am outta here.' So when Finley turned out to be Finley, she felt so bad that she wrote a letter in that adorable kid handwriting that said 'Mom, I'm so sorry. I'm not packing my bags. I'm not leaving you.' The innocence. It hits you right in your gut."I think that is sooo sweet!!! HAHA. I love greys!! Dammit. This is just not fair! All the hotties!! Finn, Mark, Derek! They got to see them filming in Seattle!! RARRR! HAHAH Grey’s Season 3 Episode 4: What I am SPOILERS!!!: MEREDITH: "McSteamy! Woo hoo!" MARK: "McSteamy? That's what you're calling me now?" MEREDITH: "Yes... but I don't think you are supposed to know that." MARK: "How's my favorite dirty mistress?" MEREDITH: "No, now I'm an adulterous whore!" I cant believe Derek. How could he? Cant he see that all he needs for Meredith to be happy is to love her? HOW COULD HE WALK AWAY!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!And I am so sad for Finn. RARR. I really like him. He’s so sweet!!! FINN: "So its Derek?" MEREDITH: "I'm sorry." FINN: "Can I ask why?" MEREDITH: "You are a great guy. You're a wonderful guy. And you may even be the better guy, but-" FINN: "He's the one." MEREDITH: "I wish he wasn't." FINN: "He's gonna hurt you again. And when he does... I won't be here. Take care of yourself, Meredith." DEREK: "You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Somebody who doesn't complicate your life. Somebody who won't hurt you. He's the better guy. [pauses] Finn's the better guy." MEREDITH: "Derek?" DEREK: "I'm walking away." http://www.greysanatomyinsider.com/quotes/page_2.html SEASON THREE Episode 1: "Time Has Come Today" The Dixie Chicks, "Lullaby" Tegan & Sara, "Take Me Anywhere" Sleeping At Last, "Quicksand" Emiliana Torrini, "Nothing Brings Me Down" Gnarls Barkley, "Gone Daddy Done" Grant Lee Phillips, "Under The Milky Way" Episode 2: "I Am a Tree" Moloko, "The Time Is Now" Mat Kearney, "Crashing Down" The Chalets, "Theme From Chalets" Bittersweet, "The Mating Game" Jesus Jackson, "Running On Sunshine" Snow Patrol, "Open Your Eyes" Mat Kearney, "All I Need" Episode 3: "Sometimes a Fantasy" Outkast, "Idlewild Blues" Lilly Allen, "Take What You Take" The Pipettes, "Dirty Mind" The Bamboos, "Step It Up" The Poems, "Ballad of a Bitter End" Joe Purdy, "Can't Get It Right Today" The Girl Behind the Screen, 9:42 PM
Because life without her would be worse than death itself.
Just look at those eyes and eat your heart out man. Isnt he just gorgeous? HAHA. Anyways, I just watched the first episode of Grey's Anatomy Season 3. Oh my gosh. That show rocks my socks!!! AH!!! I can wait for the rest of the Season!!! C'mon. Derek FINALLY told Meredith he's in love with her. I mean like how awesome is that??? :DDDD!!! Here are some quotes: Shonda Rhymes: Everyone is plauged. By the past. Adelle to Richard: I dont have anymore time to give. Bailey to Omar: I cant. I cant turn back time. This part was so sad cos Bailey was so crying and emotional. And it was so bloody sad the way Omar was so screwed up over is wife. I watched it with Joshie sitting next to me and I swear!!!He was tearing!!!! And the part Bailey went to Denny's body and apologised. My gosh. Christina to Burke: Don’t ever die. AHH!! Something so bloody revealing when Christina cries. I mean the big, bad, hard, cold Christina crying. Izzie to Meredith: How did this ever happen? How did we end up here? This is so sad. Here's something Shonda had to say: I also wanted very badly to reveal the first moment Meredith and Derek meet. It is the night before the interns’ very first shift. And if you remember the first episode of Season One, there was a mixer that night. And there’s Meredith – with her (as George described in the pilot) “black dress, slit up the side, strappy sandals” in the bar. And she meets Derek. And they are so fresh with one another, it’s all so new. There’s none of the baggage that they have now. I just love when Meredith says “so if I know you, I’ll love you?” so SURE that she never will. That he’s just another guy. And when Derek asks Meredith what her story is, she says “I’m just a girl in a bar.” And we KNOW that she’s not – we know about her mother and her daddy issues and her soft spot for sleeping with inappropriate men. But here, she’s just a girl. And Derek says he’s just a guy. But, unlike the first episode of Grey’s Anatomy, we know about his wife. And we just saw his pain at discovering Addison’s infidelity. And this is the “split second”, the moment they meet, that has changed the course of their lives forever. You could check out the whole thing at: http://www.greyswriters.com So many things I love bout it. Everything is so real. You find you can relate to it. Cos you dont have to be superman, or this evil villian. You just have to be human to understand what they're going through. You see, The characters are so painfully imperfect, BUT beautifully so.. And despite all their imperfections, they have people who love them. Meredtih the "dirty mistress" who's always getting drunk and ends up in bed with all the wrong people, Like the married guy Derek. her freind who has a huge crush on her, George, and the guy whose pennis she breaks. But again, despite all those imperfections, She is loved. By Derek, Finn. That's the beauty of it all. For now, This is just one of the reasons I love Grey's so much!! :DD 1030/373/1600/8401.jpg"> You feel so sad for Addison, seeing her beg Derek. This is why you simply cant hate her. All the characters are so beautifully formed. Shonda has a way of making the characters so mean and hated, Like Alex and Addison and Mark, but then she shows you why they turn out like that, What happened before, and then you just cant blame them at all. You love them. Like I once said: Painfully imperfect but beautifully so. Greys ROCKS!! So many things I love bout it. Everything is so real. You find you can relate to it. Cos you dont have to be superman, or this evil villian. You just have to be human to understand what they're going through. You see, The characters are so painfully imperfect, BUT beautifully so.. And despite all their imperfections, they have people who love them. Meredtih the "dirty mistress" who's always getting drunk and ends up in bed with all the wrong people, Like the married guy Derek. her freind who has a huge crush on her, George, and the guy whose pennis she breaks. But again, despite all those imperfections, She is loved. By Derek, Finn. That's the beauty of it all. For now, This is just one of the reasons I love Grey's so much!! :DD Well, the past few weeks and days have been awesome. Hotties, no school and all. My life pretty much rocks at this moment. I love my friends! :D But I miss alot of them too. Sarah, PJ, Her, Ellie and Isaku although we werent that cose but we had pretty awesome times, Alicia and Kwan and Tong. Oh yeah, my life rocks. Haha. Well, last Friday we skipped school. I mean what was the point of going for two lessons? So yeah and Lam and Chong ponned and were so freaking scared of getting caught it was bloody hilarious. We met at like 7.20, went to Harbour for Macs breakfast. We then flipped a coin to decide if we would go to Esplanade or Changi Airport. It was heads. Esplanade. It as a pretty productive day as compared to school. Ruth came down. We were all damn sexy in our curve cut FBTs. The "fuck me" thing was bloody hilarious. And the chocolate cafe was so bloody embarrassing!! HAHAH. Didnt go to school today :D I read The next Mrs Blackthorne by Joan Johnston. It's really nice. Yeah. And interesting. Seduction by design by Sandra Brown, Silver angel by Johanna Lindsey and The bride wore plaid by Karen Hawkins too, all over the past two days. Oh and I found Maybet this Christmas by Janet Daily. As awesome as I remembered it to be. Cant wait for Tina St John again. I love the Ngs. They came over on Sunday. Awesomely cute. And Teresa was a dear and lent us the clay to make funky necklaces and earings. Brinjals, watermelons, strawberries, mini shirts, cars, buses, trees, hamburgers. Ah so damn awesome! :D http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1030/373/1600/8401.jpg"> Prison break and Criminal minds. Yeah. Awesome shows. I just watched Criminal minds cos Phua has it and lent it to us. Ride the lightning was the episode. It's so bloody sad I cried. You guys just HAVE to watch it. Ah! And prison break. Wentworth Miller. He's so damn hot I googled him for pictures and I went through 27 pages of them and never reached the end. Bloody hot!! We're not going for Mass tommorrow, going school at 11.45. I think we're champions!! HAHAHA. But like I said, I love my life folks! "How would he ever open his eyes in the morning if he knew it wouldnt be to see her lying next to him?" The Girl Behind the Screen, 9:50 PM
He loved her so much he wanted to lay the world at her feet, but all she seemd to want was him.
James Morisson, The Fray. awesome music people. It's always so hard to list your favourite music. And the list just keeps growing and growing. The latest new music I was listening to was Steven Taylor. Admittedly, I just listened to him at first cos he was hot :P HAHA. But yeah. His music's pretty great. Take a look at this webby and photos and tell me photography isnt awesome. http://www.shimsham.com And this page makes you love graphic design. AND Jude Law EVEN more. The picture's from there. http://sofiveminutesago.org/contact/ HAHA. Today me and Kim walked to Dunhill at Taka just to stand there and look at his picture. He's so darn HOT!!! HAHA. www.sofiveminutesago.org Well, you could check out this video too. It's making fun of the Master Card advert. It's funny but you got watch it till the end though. Got it from one of myspace's friends webby. HAHA. I watched Season One of Grey's Anatomy again yesterday. So well, here are some quotes and awesome moments. Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Cos it feels so damn good when I stop. [When Karev is checking her heartbeat after a sugery of implanting a cow valve into her heart] So, does it beat or does it moo? Derek:How goes our special super secret silent surgery? Bailey gives him a really stupid what the hell look. Derek:I've been practiscing that. Bailey:You've got too much time on your hands. [After George confesses bout his crush on Meredith to a patient] Seriously. Seriously? You're comparing your pathetic love life with my record breaking tumour? Derek:Miranda. Bailey:Excuse me? Derek:It says that on your name tag. Fine. I'll just call you Bailey. Bailey:You think you're cute, charming, charasmatic in that neurotic, overly mussed hair way of yours. You're not. Derek:You know technically I'm your boss. [Bailey shoots him a 'seriously?' look] You dont scare me. HAHA. Which reminds me of the time that.. Derek:My ex girlfriend is your girl friend's best friend. We've done great surgeries together. Dont you think we could be on a first name basis? Burke:No. Later in the episdode.. Addison:Hi Preston. Burke:Addison. Derek:What? She gets to call you Preston and I dont? Burke:I like her. Derek:What? And you dont like me? Burke:Nope. HAHA. Patrick Dempsey is so hot!! [The morning after they had sex. Meredith gets out of the car and sees Derek.] Meredith:Crap. Derek:CRAP?! You're avoiding me! Meredith:Yes.. And I'm also late. HAHA. Intimacy is a four syllable word for "Here are my heart and soul - please grind them into hamburger and enjoy. " See, once in a while… once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. Once in a while people may even take your breath away. That's what you have to believe. Patrick Dempsey bout being married without even knowing it until halfway into the show: I went from being really liked to hated for like three months. I was like ADULTERER. Terrible. HAHA. The way he says it. He's so darn HOT! Job interview today was okay and Biology paper was great. Dont even talk bout Chem and Phy. HAHA. We had sushi at sushi teh. Yeah. SO GOOD. We walked past the library to drop off books and we were like: "We'll just LOOK at the books. Just look." We came out with 11 boks on our hands. HAHAHA. I just love Grey's. The Girl Behind the Screen, 1:44 PM
I wish I could be every little thing that you wanted.
Hey. Haha. Quite a number of people have been saying that I haven’t been updating, So here am I since they have showed such a keen interest in what’s going on in my life. HAHA. Yeah. A LOT had happened since I last updated. First, I wanna say I cant believe Steve Irwin passed away. Like oh my gosh! He was awesome!! Animal Planet wont ever be the same without him. He’s like the very image of it. It’s so sad! Especially for his little kids and wife!! Oh okay. So there has been a lot of outings, and yeah. One of the funniest moments was with Teresa’s underwear rug! HAHA. ROFLMAO!! Oh wells. The pictures will be uploaded sometime, one day. Anyway I found a lot of my friends from a long time ago. Ellie, Isaku. Well it’s fun. And gorgeous eyes and eye candies have been part of my life. Awesome. The twins were down with hands, foot and mouth disease! So poor thing!! The funny thing was that I was wearing this top with a trench coat over, When I took it off, Joshie went: JIE JIE NEH NEH COME OUT!!!!!! I was like SHUCKS! And dying with embarrassment cos Uncle Patrick heard and he was silently laughing. HAHA. O wells. Let me see. Training has been fun. With that LOSER ACS Barker wimp that Fat Pat brought down. And with Lam’s new boyfriend who’s so funny and nice. He bought us drinks!! :D The awesome part bout the hols were the late nights and late mornings. Aw man. AND! The time when we climbed up to the second level cos the school locked it! It was so funny cos I was totally dressed in black and there were cameras we had to avoid. There was also an old man who was fascinated with what we were doing. Halfway through the ladies came and scolded us. Well, what we did was bring a table and stack a chair on top of it and I stepped on Kim and Debbie’s knee and climbed onto the ledge. I then walked on the roof and climbed over the railing. HAHA. When up there, I got into the class and took my shoe bag, threw it down to Kim who tossed it to Debbie and did a touch down. Then Kim called me on my phone, told me the locker number and locker code. We were really like a bunch of thieves. HAH. Then I went to town to watch Devil wears Prada. It’s so funny and nice. My gosh! THE CLOTHES!!!! Well, it was fun. Then there was the stalking, and the hot guy who thought I was smiling at him and then smiled at me and waved. HAHA. Well, we went to church yesterday to cook. Awesome food :D and lazy Jehian. HAH. We did the motivational gift thing and Jehian said he was a server. Everyone just laughed. Daniel had a funky shirt. I was gonna say I want! BUT it said “Love one woman, many guitars.” HAHA. Guess what. The guys did the dishes on Saturday. I’m so excited cos I’ve got so many plans for the hols. (Talk bout counting your chickens before they hatch.) We’ve got a job interview with Zara on Wednesday, job interviews with Levi’s, Topshop, Marks and Spencers, Espirit and Starbucks. Not forgetting the hotel job with Kim’s aunt. Which is awesome, cos it means great cash and lots of tourist, which mean eye candies!! And tips! :D And the best part!! I’m going on a shopping trip to Thailand with Grace, Jacq and Cheryl!! AWESOME!!! Well for now, don’t even talk bout Prelims cos it’s gonna be so screwed up. We didn’t even study. Like seriously. And those who know me know I don’t listen during lessons except Biology and Lit. So yeah. Busted. I went Ikea for breakfast and saw the whole group of netballers that skipped school. Elmo, Emelia, Shi Hui and Jia Li. Champion. Well, we have been frequenting Wisma’s Starbucks and have been seeing celebrities. My favourite today was the damn hot guy. The one in black. My gosh. Even Juli was saying he’s hot. It’s so fun. Cos I was going to meet Chong and Dong. So I persuaded Alicia, Claudia and Geraldine to go with me. HAHA. In the end, Val went too. And Juli came down to meet us. It was one hell of a big group. Elmo asked me to meet them. But I was too lazy and they were watching a scary movie :S HAHA. Anyway we had lots of fun. We went into Topshop and tried lots of clothes. They cam-whored. Hahaha. And we saw this other actor again. It was very fun. OH! Marty’s getting married! BUMMER!! HAHA. Anyway, this guy has totally gorgeous eyes and quite awesome music too! Steven Taylor! He and his girlfriend are awesomely cute together! Dont you just think his eyes are gorgeous? And check out the mini van. Talk bout funky! 
Dont you think he just has gorgeous eyes?
And an awesome mini van.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 9:11 PM
Why is it that when you yield, I feel like the one who has been conquered?
English orals was a blast. And I passed my Chinese by the way. A C6. Gabriel's Angel was bloody sad. And it's really good. I miss PJ. I read A Kingdom of Dreams again. And it's still as poignantly touching as the last time I did. Today's quote's from there. Personally I think it's all quite blown up actually, And honestly I have my own opinion and having heard both sides of the story it's like yeah. The point is frankly, it's between them and I think that people who hear only one side of their story or are not involved should just stay out of it. And as of now, I'm a neutral party. Forgive me, I loved you too much.. Newsflash: I dont know where I wanna go, what I wanna do. The only place, only future I know is in your arms. And now that you're gone, where do I belong? You said "Easy, I wont hurt you." But you already did. Far more than you can imagine. You said that you love me. But where is this love you speak of? I cant see it, I cant touch it, And i sure as hell cannot feel it. All i can do is hear it. And words aint enough. They really arent. So now it's time for me to walk away, Clench my fists and wrench my guts out. Yeah, cos if your heart's not in it, Dont try to fake what you dont feel. If your love's already gone, It's not fair to lead me on, Cos i would give the whole world for you, Anything you ask of me i'll do. BUT i wont ask you to stay, I'd rather walk away, If your heart's not in it.. The Girl Behind the Screen, 9:19 PM
Then I will love you despite your hatred
Hey. I watched The fast and the furious Tokyo drift. D.K. It's awesome man. Like so good. HAHA. And the cars!!!! Especially the black and white one. He's hot man. Lucas Black :D It's so sad that Han dies. I was like what the crap?! The car explodes with him inside and Li wei goes "He dies?" I'm like "No." HAHA. You guys should watch it. Action packed, Funny, Hot guy and girl, Awesome cars, Awesome driving stunts. AH!! At the car park going up the slope!!! I've got an adrenaline rush just thinkin' bout the way they drift. HAHAHA. I remember watching the second one with Sarah and Isaku. HAHA. Anyone who liked the first 2 so have to watch this.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 10:13 PM
Hate me all you want but dont ever stop loving me.
On Saturday and Sunday, We did flag day. There were lots of generous people, But very little hotties :( HAHA. Oh well. We managed to sell all the pins and yeah. It was very fun. We bought slippers from Fox. Actually I wanted to get the Ripcurl one, But there wasnt size!! ARGHH!! OH! And I finally met up with Amy! :D She's dammit tall now. It's really annoying. HAHA. But uber fun!! :D We watched Pirates. Amy kept screaming at every thing that popped out. HAHA. The ballet music part when they were in the ball cage. And the "I've got a jar of dirt. I've got a jar of dirt." ROFLMAO! Where's the thump thump?? HAHA. Yeah. It was good. I got quite annoyed with some stuff. On Monday, We had photo taking and all. I forgot to bring my shoes. And I was totally frowning in the photo cos I was stuck behing Boss and Jo, And between Shi Yun and Hui Yu. I dont get how people who dont come for training can actually be thick skinned enough to showup for photo taking. The photographer was annoying. RARR. Everytime I see you, I know I would give up everything I ever knew. Just to know what it's like to be in your arms again. And it hurts cos inevitably I would hope for more. And the higher I reach, The higher I climb, The further the distance to the ground, The more painful the smack when I fall back to earth and realise that we will never be... We did pitching again. Lin said I'm getting good :D I talked about them with Lin. It sucks and I still find myself wondering. Why the distance? Why only memories? And it hurts to remember what we used to be, And then snap back into reality. Today was like whoa. Chinese was okay cos she let us listen to music. I was reading The Beloved Scoundrel by Iris Johansen. It's quite nice. 4/5. I read Double Standards again. AWESOME. HAHA. Okay. I'm digressing again. During PE, Queck made a big fuss over the FBT shorts. And she was talking to us in such a demanding, 'I'm bigger tha you tone', That we all got annoyed. I refused to buy the school shorts and Andrea told her, "You buy for me la." HAHA. I cant remember what I said back to her but she went: "LESLIE! Mr Francis!" Reminded me of a kid whining, "MUMMY!!" HAHA. The difference in his tone was so much better. I really wasnt glaring at him okay. My English sucks. RARR. Jay sent me an email in Chinese. Dont know how that dude did it but I didnt understand a shit. So I put it in the online translator and look what came out. "Your good Anna How are you? The forest has not sent the email to me. Tells her her to need to inspect her email. God blesses you! Jesus loves you! - Outstanding Iraq-" HAHA. I laughed for a good ten minutes. The forest was supposed to be Lin. Outstanding Iraq was Jay. The Girl Behind the Screen, 6:41 PM
Cos when you're gone, all the colors seem to fade
Friday. Did I mention we got busted for skipping Math class? Yeah. Miss Chee called Lee Ting Ting, Who called Jo Phang, Who called Jennny Leong. Talk bout busted. It was a good thing Jenny Leong was too busy, So she didnt call my parents and give us detention on the spot, so yeah. I went to meet Sarah. She's still so short! HAHA. And she was wearing heels and she said I'm taller than you, And I was like no? You're wearing heels AND you're still shorter than me. What the crap. Haha. It was so fun. We bought matching bags and pencil cases from Queen Coulter. She got the bag and me the pencil box. It's really funky. HAHA. Chess is so jealous. She wants my pencil box and my wallet is the one she wanted to get 'cept it was too expensive! HAHA. Yeah. We walked all round town. Sarah bought like 3 bags okay. And she spent 1 K in a day! What the crap. We went to trumpet praise and she just grabbed all the latest releases. It was so funny cos I was like the new CFNI cd's out. She's like yeah I know. Next moment she looks at it and goes OH OH!! HEY! The new CFNI cd's out! Next we switch roles and repeat it with the new Desperation cd. HAHA. Dropped by Carl's Junior and we bought like 10 burgers. HAHA. And what the crap! It cost like 77 bucks. We were like this is so not right. This is fast food. Fast food shouldnt cost this much! HAHA. And it was only the burgers. The American dudes were staring at us. We cabbed down to Far East Apartments to drop off the burgers at their apartments. Jo's really pretty now. Sarah attempted to take off her shirt in the lift. I was like this is wrong on so many levels. Imagine if you dont make in time and when the door opens, There would be two girls, one half naked. HAHA. She gave up cos we were laughing too hard. Walked around trying to find a camera. The people were so rude. One of them actually told Sarah, "If you dont know the model number, dont come into my shop." We didnt bother with the guy any more. We ended up buying one from Lucky plaza, It was so much cheaper. Like 200 bucks cheaper. The Panasonic Lumix. It's almost as good as a working pro's. Saturday. Flag Day again. We had Mac's breakfast. Oh yeah. There were so many rude people. RARR!! One of them actually purposely blew smoke in my face. We kept running into Jobelle. Yeah. The favourite of the day was the American guy who gave us all of his coins and then gave us two bucks each and said "If I donate twice can I have two stickers?" And he proceeded to stick in on each side of his chest. HAHA. Church. Jay replied my mail on Monday :D I really miss them dudes. I officially love Tuesday. And Lin. She's such a sweetie. She brought all the library books for me. All 16. Yeah!! HAHA. AND!! She, Kim and Li wei chipped to buy me Grey's Anatomy for my birthday!! :D Another reason to love them more. Plus, I got another belated present. A Pierre Cardin wallet. YAY YAY! HAHA. On Wednesday dear Benny got me the Borders gift card. I love Benny. HAHA. Especially when she pretends to be angry with me, but then, she cant help but smile. HAHA. Hmm. During the Poly talk, Andrea's head went under some APNN's skirt. We couldnt stop laughing. HAHAHA. And poor Corissa was stuck with Jo. HAHA. I slept during Chem, And amazingly, she let me. I was seriously so bummed out. We had mock exam after that. And the functional writing. For the first time in my life, I didnt have enough time to complete an English paper. It wasnt that bad. I just didnt get to sign off. Then it was a really big group of us that made our way down to harbour front. It was so fun. Me, C/Shermin, Val, Andrea, Gwen and Li ying. HAHA. Chong laughed bout Andrea's picture till she cried. Sick bay-ed for like all the lessons cept for Biology on Thursday. I was so tired. Did pitching! Awesome fun! The Girl Behind the Screen, 6:58 PM
Take all of me
What a week. Let's start from the top. Sunday. Hmm. We woke up at round 11. And then remembered hey! We're having lunch with Pastor Augustine. The dress code was really pretty much semi-formal. Wore formal white shirt with jeans. Yeah. It was at the NUS society club. It's like really exclusive of something. The food was like awesome. Had a 4 course meal. Appetizer was like smoked salmon with sweet wasabi sauce. Then soup and I had lamb chop. It was bloody good. HAHA. And the dessert, we had a bit of everything. Oreo cheesecake, Tiramisu, Dark chocolate cake, Truffles. You name it. Just thinking bout it is almost enough to send me into a suger over drive. HAHA. After that they went down to visit grandma in the hospital. Monday. Yay!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! Haha. Right. I was really expecting Paul to reply. But he didnt. It would have been one of the best presents ever. Lin dearie got me the notebook, both the book and the vcd. And yeah. Other presents. Thanks guys! :D There was O level Chinese listening comprehension. I was so bummed out. It took so long to start, Half the class fell asleep. I didnt understand anything. After that I went with Lin, Kim and Steph to the library. Went out. Yeah. Tuesday. We skipped SS again. HAHA. 3rd week in a row. Training. Hmm. I cant really remember. I'm tired and lazy to type out my week, Cos I really miss P&J. The Girl Behind the Screen, 8:18 PM
Flag day on 15th July
Yeah. We had Flag Day. Woke up at 745 and met Kim at Queensstown Mrt to make our way down to Chinatown. That place so reminded me of P&J cos we went for a meeting there. RARRR! I miss them!! Hmm. After that, the whole gang of us, Me, S/Chermin, Dong, Kim, Gwen went down to PS. We couldnt decide what to eat. We were actually supposed to watch Pirates. I mean we planned it for a whole week. And then happily Gwen decided they didnt wanna watch but would rather spend money eating. Right. Forget it then. Walked around and all. Decided to eat breakfast at Cafe Cartel. Yeah. The food was good. Me and Kim split breakfst menu and lunch menu. Yeah. It was a good thing we called for a seperate bill. Such a big hoo ha was made after that. We walked down all the way to CineMax and back to get tickets for Stanley Tan. We split up cos there were lots of people. So yeah. Me and Kim went around Starbucks and the taxi stand. We saw a lot of hotties!! HAHAH. And they had very nice eyes man!! Drools. Hahah. And they were damn funny. We targetted all the tourists, Cos they are so much more generous then the selfish citizens of Singapore. AHA. There was this guy I asked, ( He had nice green/blue eyes ) And he took out a whole bunch of coins and Kim came and took it all, So I started hitting her, And he started laughing and asked me "Why are you hitting her?" v(AND it reminded me of when Paul asked Lin why she was hitting me! HAHA.) So I told him, "You gave her all the coins!!" And he was like "Oh! I'm so sorry! I didnt look which can I was putting it in!" And he proceeded to take out notes for me. YAY! HAHA. Then there was this cute old American couple. And we asked the guy and he was like ask my wife. And again they poured out all their coins. The guy was like "Poor girls. Cant go back till their cans are full." HAHA. And when asked if he wanted a sticker, He said "I'll just point to my wife." Somehow we found that very amusing. HAHAH. And there was this guy who looked like Simon Cowel ( Or however his name is spelled ) He was like clowning around with us. HAHA. He asked where he should paste the sticker and I was like " Oh. Anywhere. " He procceeded to paste in on his chin and make cheeky faces while pretending the sticker was a goatee and he was stroking it. ROFLAMAO!! Oh we saw a family of hot guys. Even Kim was like WHOA! HAHA. There was this other hottie who gave us like lots and lots of coins. He looked like some actor but I couldnt place him. He asked me to paste the sticker for him and I was like. HAHA. This ACS guy who was also collecting donations asked me if I wanted to donate. I just stared at him and said "Why dont you donate to me?" HAHA. There was this fei fei, We were in PS, And we were just walking around cos you cant ask in shopping centers. And he ran up to me and said "Hey! I wanna donate." And he was so excited. A full grown kid mind ya. All in all it was a pretty great day and I enjoyed it. Like cmon, a day packed with hotties and nice eyes, Who wouldnt? The Girl Behind the Screen, 11:05 PM
It's hard to say it, time to say it. Goodbye.
Truth is, I really miss them. Like really, really. Today at Popular, someone just said, "Do you like Paul?" And me and Lin was like "What the hell?" Turns out they were talking bout Paul Twohill. DANG! HAHA. We've been checking our mail and we feel like slapping him. Bloody hell. Haha. I've got our whole clique hooked on reading. Which is like really funny. During class you look at us sitting in one role and all of us are reading on under our tables. HAHA. And all of a sudden one of us starts laughing. Or someone goes: "Oh my gosh!! So sweet! " HAHA. and they used to laugh at me. And I remember telling Chong I wanted to get those plastic pencil boxes, And I remember very clearly she saying: "So childish. How old are you? " Now, she has a plastic strawberry shortcake pencil box. HAHAHA. I cant remember what happened during the week. I just know on Tuesday all of us skipped SS after school. HAHAH. Training was like right. Played soccer. I was the goalie :D HAHAH. Hmm. Yesterday we all skipped our Humans and went to sick bay. Chermin got caught using her phone. Me and Gwen played sick. HAHA. Hmm. Gwen's being damn annoying. She keeps calling me Ah Neh. That's like a really annoying nick name. RARR. We were all supposed to go out together after school, But I was like so bummed out and tired that I just went back home to take a nap. RARR. The days are taking a toll on me. I miss them :( All I can think is that they lied. Friday's training was super short. But super amazing. Me, Bunny, Lin, Li wei and Debbie were on one team, VS Judy, Jo, Wan Ling, Qian Ru and Bel. We kept scoring. Everyone was like high cos I was high and everyone got high. Everyone was like Whoa what's with Anna today. I did alot of beautiful lay ups, passes, intercepts, lan di. Our team had a lot of on court chemistry. Bunny, Lin and Debbie. HAHAH. RARR! We won. Training ended at like 4. 30? Me, Lin and Qian Ru went to Macs to eat. I paid for everything. Fries, McFlurry and ice creams. HAHA. RARR! I was telling them bout the books I read, And I told them bout Whitney my love. They were so fascinated with it and they were like HURRY!! Some more!! And they followed me around to listen bout the story. HAHAH. Then Lin asked if Qian Ru still wanted to borrow Joy Luck Club and she went "Is that the story we just heard?" HAHAH. At the bus stop we were waiting for Lin's mom, And we saw this American dude wth really really nice eyes. And me and Lin were like PAUL!!!! RARRR!!! I miss them!! And Lin kept staring at him okay, He turned around and smiled at me and Lin was like ARH! HAHAH. Yeah. Youth Cell was awesome. Uncle Augustine cooked his trademark mee siam. The Ngs came!!! WHEE!! He shared bout the end times and the mark of the beast. Yeah. I really really miss them. The Girl Behind the Screen, 8:21 PM
The room.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I have liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realise that I recognized the names written on each card. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with all its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I have betrayed”. The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I have read”, “Lies I have told”, “Comfort I have given”, “Jokes I have laughed at”. Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I have yelled at my brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I have done in my anger”, “Things I have muttered under my breath at my parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were more cards than I expected. Sometimes less than I hoped. The sheer volume of life I had lived overwhelmed me. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even million of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I came to a file marked “Lustful thoughts”, I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled out the file only an inch, not willing to test it’s size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at it’s detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had ever been recorded. And almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them! In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. It’s size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a single card, only to find it stronger than steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to it’s slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I have shared the gospel with.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on it’s handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity and sorrow in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. “No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant, it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.” I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on it’s door. There were still cards to be written. The Girl Behind the Screen, 10:05 PM
Whirlpool of emotions
This past days have been like WHOA! Overwhelming pretty much says it all. Yesterday there were lots of people at the wake. Uncle Jim and Aunty Lai leng was there. HAHA. Unle Ian warned her not to crack any jokes. ROFLMAO. Okay. So when Aunty Sally went up during the eulogy we all started crying. Uncle Victor, Jehian, Uncle Paul, Aunty Wendy all came down. The funny thing was that they got the table with all char siew paus. HAHA. I found it really amusing. Aaron was lone ranger again. HAHA. I found out his girlfriend's name again. Haha. And I figured out who Uncle Jim looks like. Ken Lim from Singapore Idol. I'm serious. No kidding. HAHA. Everyone was like YEAH! Then Abigail tried to sing me a song. I was like WHOA! Dont sing to me. Sing to Uncle Jim/Ken Lim. Haha. We were really hyper cos I guess we were really tired. We were really nuts. Haha. We had a cousin bonding session throughout the night till morning. Except for Aaron who went back. Lone ranger. HAHA. And I think the genes thing in the males of our family was hilarious!! Should have seen Aaron's face. We finally did the Bye Aaron! thing to him. ROFLMAO!!~ I think the talking to Jame's laptop thing was really funny. Hahaha. What was even more funny was that Michelle and him heard me. Someone thought I was Michelle and someone thought Michelle was married to Lance!! HAHAHAHA. Damn funny. We played Bang! It's a super fun game. HAHA. Me and Lance were forever on the same side. The first time, we were a super powerful pair. Then the second, I accidentally killed him. THEN he killed me. HAHAH. Okay, so it goes that if you draw a beer card, You get an extra life. So Gail was like "Eh! The Kopitiam uncle is not powerful." And I went "Hey. Dont play a fool. He has alot of beer!" We couldnt stop laughing bout that. And the stunt that Michael pulled. Killing both his partners. HAHAHHA!! We laughed till our stomachs ached. It was hilarious. HAHA. Then Steph did something super stupid. She was the Sherriff and I was the Vice Sherriff. And stupidly, she listened to Gail. Gail was like:"I think you should kill Anna. She looks suspicious." BUT I was just lookiong normal. Haha. Some would say that that's suspicious in itself. So I said: "Go ahead. You dont know how Abigail is, you wanna listen to her do it." And Eugene said: "I'll laugh if she's the Vice Sherriff." And Stephenie killed me. I was like Voom! I'm the Vice sherriff. HAHAH. We laughed for like 5 minutes straight. And Eugene was like "Eh Anna, I like your style man." HAHAHA. Okay. So in this particular game, There's a card called Indians. And you have to put out a Bang! to counter the card, If not you would lose a life. And it was really funny cos I kept quoting Russell Peters. So I threw out the card and went: "Indiano!!" *Sharp intake of breath. "Indaino! NO! Indiano!" ROFLMAO!!~ Damn funny. The whole night was fun. We played till like 6 in the morning. Oh what was really gross was those bugs and flying ants that are attracted to the lights, They kept falling on our table and started getting really bad. We were all so grossed out. *Shudders. The floor was covered with its' carcasses. Talk bout disgusting. During the cremation, Everyone started crying so bad. Even the guys like Aaron. I like Yen Shan. She's very nice and cute. HAHAHA. We went for lunch after that with Uncle George and Aunty Sally. It was very enlightening and very opinionated. Just never figured for Aunty Sally to be a MacDonalds person. She was pegged as a high clss restaurant type. HAHA. Gee I wonder why!! Something that Aunty Honey once said struck me, It reminded me of my life before, How it can be so empty when you dont really have an intimate relationship with Him. When you do, Eveyrthing does fall back in place. Cos you would love Him, You would fear Him, Obey Him. What she said was: "I always knew He was real. I just never understood how to reach Him" And that is a very sobering thought, Because if we dont know how to reach our very own Father and Creator, And that is own of our main purposes in life, To have an intimate relationship with Him, Then really, What are we living for? The Apostle Paul once said: To live is for Christ. To die is gain. Likewise there is a song that goes: "To live for me is Christ, To know You is my life." So Yeah. There was another thing, She was saying that one of her favourite verses was: "He will never leave you nor forsake you." Which is somthing that He has been telling me, Over and over again. Even though Paul and Jay has left, I still have Him. And it's so somthing Paul and Jay would say :D You know that day at the wake, I was singing to Noah his favourite song, Happy Birthday. And instead of saying Happy birthday to Noah, I said Happy birthday to Paul. And I was like HUH! HAHA. Yeah, and all of a sudden, That day at Burger King with my friends, I thought of Paul laughing so loud over the evil principal and I started laughing like mad. My friends thought I was nuts. RARR!! I miss them. Why are they taking so long? I need you Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go. There's no other name by, Which I am saved, Would you capture me with grace, I will follow You. This world has nothing in for me. I will follow You. This world has nothing in for me. I will follow You. Rescue by Desperation band. HAHA. There was like only 7 of us at training. But it was damn fun. We did weights training, And everything was so Paul and Jay. RARR! Me and Lin were like ARGHH! HAHA. And he the trainer was saying that if they breathe wrongly while pumping iron, They get nosebleeds. HAHA. So Li wei was like then we all stick tissue up our noses. And I was like NO! TAMPONS!! HAHAHA! ( she's the man ) We all couldnt stop laughing for the next five minutes. Even the trainer. ROLFMAO!! Here's a quote. "We are afraid of losing what we have , whether it's our life or our possesions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand." Again, What's life without the Life Maker? The Girl Behind the Screen, 8:06 PM
Etched in time
Here's the pictures I promised. They get pretty emotional. Yeah. This one's for my brothers :D  St Margret's 25th June 2006 This was after Lin got saved. One of my favourites.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 Lin, Jay and me :D Wo ai ni men. His favourite phrase. Besides crazy that is. HAHA.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 Oh man. I really miss him and Jay. Really really do. People just wont understand.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 The last place we saw them. And they waved to us until they were out of sight. Here is when is starts getting emotional.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 It's some random stranger, But I always wanted to capture a shot like that. It pretty much sums up goodbyes. The back turned, The distance growing farther and farther.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 If you leave me now.. You take away the biggest part of me..  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 Haha. I made her walk and walk until I got the shot right where I wanted. Again. Bout goodbyes. I'm walking away..  3rd July 2006 Emptiness echoes  3rd July 2006 It's a lonely world  3rd July 2006 Here without you  3rd July 2006 The miles just keep rolling.  3rd July 2006 Just passing through  3rd July 2006 Through your eyes  3rd of July 2006 The world passes me by  3rd July 2006 Insignificant  3rd July 2006  3rd of July 2006 But at the end, there's always hope, Always the chance of life.. As long as you believe.. The Girl Behind the Screen, 5:56 PM
If you seek Me
Lin has been a real dear. I was really upset bout all the things happening, Bout Paul and Jay, And the things that has been so overwhelming. And I was feeling so alone, Upset cos of the things that has happened with them, But then He really sent comfort in ways you would never look for, And when it comes, you really know it's Him and no one else. I wanna thank Him, and all the people who have been encouraging me. Lin, Bel, Claudia, Gwen, Andrea, even Mrs Leong and Lee Ting Ting. All the people who have been telling me to cheer up. Chong, Lam, Kim, and yeah. I'm fine. I'm sorry bout what happened between us, And till now I dont know what happened, It sucks, cos we were the closest friends could be, When he left you were there with me, You were one of the very few people who knew. It hurts to see that we hardly even talk at all, Really, I would give alot for us to go back to the old times. You and the OBS people, and the unbeatables. When everything was falling down, I was messaging Lin, And she said: "Remember what you told me? Smile, cos it's what Paul and Jay would want us to do. Even though they've left, He's still here, And always will be." When I wrote those words, I never imagined that it would be as source of comfort to me as well. Thanks for the chocolates, the books, the ipod shuffle. I love ya my little sister. The picture's there in my file. People wask me who's that? And I smile a secret and say my sister and brother. I'm so exhausted, I havent slept more than 4 hours. And it's really only by His strength we're all standing. The chapter Paul told me to show Lin, Psalm 27, it really has uplifted me. The wake yesterday and the day before wasnt as depressing. We were actually quite over it. We could joke and laugh. HAHA. Aaron and his "da pao" I couldnt get over it, Neither could his girlfriend. We arent intending to let him live it down. I'm so touched. I'm the only person whose name she remembers. And Uncle Skip and his random: "Eh!! Chicken Pao!!" HAHAHAHAHA. School today was fine. I was so tired. I nearly fell asleep during Biology, Which is one class ( and one only ) I NEVER fall asleep in. Haha. Mrs Leong was really caring She's super nice. HAHA. Ching pulled another one of her stunts again today. Mrs Leong asked: "Which part of the snake not eaten?" And she happily shouted: "FUR!" HAHAHA. I couldnt stop laughing cos I was exhausted to the point of being hyper active. I remember Paul being hyper. HAHA. He couldnt stop laughing his loud booming laughter. ROFLMAO. Read during SS. Mr Tan was being spastic during Physics, And kept talking bout Superman. Like gee. Haha. I had cheese and ham sandwiches :D Gwen and Kim kept laughing and teasing me, Saying that I'm so lucky Daniel made me sandwhiches :S!! HAH. I went to the sick bay with Li wei cos I was so exhausted. V Wong and her indian friend was there :S I decided to go for Chemistry, Cos if not Gwen would be alone. There was Chinese Orals. HORRID. And Chong and Lam were making me laugh my ass off, Cam-whoring and making retarded faces. ROFLAMO! I went in and I skipped like alot alot of words. During the conversation, I kept repeating the same thing. The examiner looked like her eyes were going to cross. HAHA. Went home. Aunty Theresa, Daniel and Aunty Margret were there. And YAYY!! The twins!! So adorable!! :D Caleb wanted me to follow him again. Joshua cried when it was time to go home. I love them! :D They bring so much joy into my life. I miss Paul and Jay. Paul's taking really long to reply :( This song really helped remind me I was never alone :D If you seek Me you'll find Me, If you seek Me with all of Your heart, Not just a part. When the road that you travel, Seems like it never will end, I'll be your Friend. And the times that you feel like, This world is so far from your home, You're not alone. Cos I will never depart, If you seek Me with all your heart. The Girl Behind the Screen, 2:17 PM |
ANNA CHEN JIEMIN |