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| MY WORLD
Cos when you're gone, all the colors seem to fade
Friday. Did I mention we got busted for skipping Math class? Yeah. Miss Chee called Lee Ting Ting, Who called Jo Phang, Who called Jennny Leong. Talk bout busted. It was a good thing Jenny Leong was too busy, So she didnt call my parents and give us detention on the spot, so yeah. I went to meet Sarah. She's still so short! HAHA. And she was wearing heels and she said I'm taller than you, And I was like no? You're wearing heels AND you're still shorter than me. What the crap. Haha. It was so fun. We bought matching bags and pencil cases from Queen Coulter. She got the bag and me the pencil box. It's really funky. HAHA. Chess is so jealous. She wants my pencil box and my wallet is the one she wanted to get 'cept it was too expensive! HAHA. Yeah. We walked all round town. Sarah bought like 3 bags okay. And she spent 1 K in a day! What the crap. We went to trumpet praise and she just grabbed all the latest releases. It was so funny cos I was like the new CFNI cd's out. She's like yeah I know. Next moment she looks at it and goes OH OH!! HEY! The new CFNI cd's out! Next we switch roles and repeat it with the new Desperation cd. HAHA. Dropped by Carl's Junior and we bought like 10 burgers. HAHA. And what the crap! It cost like 77 bucks. We were like this is so not right. This is fast food. Fast food shouldnt cost this much! HAHA. And it was only the burgers. The American dudes were staring at us. We cabbed down to Far East Apartments to drop off the burgers at their apartments. Jo's really pretty now. Sarah attempted to take off her shirt in the lift. I was like this is wrong on so many levels. Imagine if you dont make in time and when the door opens, There would be two girls, one half naked. HAHA. She gave up cos we were laughing too hard. Walked around trying to find a camera. The people were so rude. One of them actually told Sarah, "If you dont know the model number, dont come into my shop." We didnt bother with the guy any more. We ended up buying one from Lucky plaza, It was so much cheaper. Like 200 bucks cheaper. The Panasonic Lumix. It's almost as good as a working pro's. Saturday. Flag Day again. We had Mac's breakfast. Oh yeah. There were so many rude people. RARR!! One of them actually purposely blew smoke in my face. We kept running into Jobelle. Yeah. The favourite of the day was the American guy who gave us all of his coins and then gave us two bucks each and said "If I donate twice can I have two stickers?" And he proceeded to stick in on each side of his chest. HAHA. Church. Jay replied my mail on Monday :D I really miss them dudes. I officially love Tuesday. And Lin. She's such a sweetie. She brought all the library books for me. All 16. Yeah!! HAHA. AND!! She, Kim and Li wei chipped to buy me Grey's Anatomy for my birthday!! :D Another reason to love them more. Plus, I got another belated present. A Pierre Cardin wallet. YAY YAY! HAHA. On Wednesday dear Benny got me the Borders gift card. I love Benny. HAHA. Especially when she pretends to be angry with me, but then, she cant help but smile. HAHA. Hmm. During the Poly talk, Andrea's head went under some APNN's skirt. We couldnt stop laughing. HAHAHA. And poor Corissa was stuck with Jo. HAHA. I slept during Chem, And amazingly, she let me. I was seriously so bummed out. We had mock exam after that. And the functional writing. For the first time in my life, I didnt have enough time to complete an English paper. It wasnt that bad. I just didnt get to sign off. Then it was a really big group of us that made our way down to harbour front. It was so fun. Me, C/Shermin, Val, Andrea, Gwen and Li ying. HAHA. Chong laughed bout Andrea's picture till she cried. Sick bay-ed for like all the lessons cept for Biology on Thursday. I was so tired. Did pitching! Awesome fun! The Girl Behind the Screen, 6:58 PM
Take all of me
What a week. Let's start from the top. Sunday. Hmm. We woke up at round 11. And then remembered hey! We're having lunch with Pastor Augustine. The dress code was really pretty much semi-formal. Wore formal white shirt with jeans. Yeah. It was at the NUS society club. It's like really exclusive of something. The food was like awesome. Had a 4 course meal. Appetizer was like smoked salmon with sweet wasabi sauce. Then soup and I had lamb chop. It was bloody good. HAHA. And the dessert, we had a bit of everything. Oreo cheesecake, Tiramisu, Dark chocolate cake, Truffles. You name it. Just thinking bout it is almost enough to send me into a suger over drive. HAHA. After that they went down to visit grandma in the hospital. Monday. Yay!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! Haha. Right. I was really expecting Paul to reply. But he didnt. It would have been one of the best presents ever. Lin dearie got me the notebook, both the book and the vcd. And yeah. Other presents. Thanks guys! :D There was O level Chinese listening comprehension. I was so bummed out. It took so long to start, Half the class fell asleep. I didnt understand anything. After that I went with Lin, Kim and Steph to the library. Went out. Yeah. Tuesday. We skipped SS again. HAHA. 3rd week in a row. Training. Hmm. I cant really remember. I'm tired and lazy to type out my week, Cos I really miss P&J. The Girl Behind the Screen, 8:18 PM
Flag day on 15th July
Yeah. We had Flag Day. Woke up at 745 and met Kim at Queensstown Mrt to make our way down to Chinatown. That place so reminded me of P&J cos we went for a meeting there. RARRR! I miss them!! Hmm. After that, the whole gang of us, Me, S/Chermin, Dong, Kim, Gwen went down to PS. We couldnt decide what to eat. We were actually supposed to watch Pirates. I mean we planned it for a whole week. And then happily Gwen decided they didnt wanna watch but would rather spend money eating. Right. Forget it then. Walked around and all. Decided to eat breakfast at Cafe Cartel. Yeah. The food was good. Me and Kim split breakfst menu and lunch menu. Yeah. It was a good thing we called for a seperate bill. Such a big hoo ha was made after that. We walked down all the way to CineMax and back to get tickets for Stanley Tan. We split up cos there were lots of people. So yeah. Me and Kim went around Starbucks and the taxi stand. We saw a lot of hotties!! HAHAH. And they had very nice eyes man!! Drools. Hahah. And they were damn funny. We targetted all the tourists, Cos they are so much more generous then the selfish citizens of Singapore. AHA. There was this guy I asked, ( He had nice green/blue eyes ) And he took out a whole bunch of coins and Kim came and took it all, So I started hitting her, And he started laughing and asked me "Why are you hitting her?" v(AND it reminded me of when Paul asked Lin why she was hitting me! HAHA.) So I told him, "You gave her all the coins!!" And he was like "Oh! I'm so sorry! I didnt look which can I was putting it in!" And he proceeded to take out notes for me. YAY! HAHA. Then there was this cute old American couple. And we asked the guy and he was like ask my wife. And again they poured out all their coins. The guy was like "Poor girls. Cant go back till their cans are full." HAHA. And when asked if he wanted a sticker, He said "I'll just point to my wife." Somehow we found that very amusing. HAHAH. And there was this guy who looked like Simon Cowel ( Or however his name is spelled ) He was like clowning around with us. HAHA. He asked where he should paste the sticker and I was like " Oh. Anywhere. " He procceeded to paste in on his chin and make cheeky faces while pretending the sticker was a goatee and he was stroking it. ROFLAMAO!! Oh we saw a family of hot guys. Even Kim was like WHOA! HAHA. There was this other hottie who gave us like lots and lots of coins. He looked like some actor but I couldnt place him. He asked me to paste the sticker for him and I was like. HAHA. This ACS guy who was also collecting donations asked me if I wanted to donate. I just stared at him and said "Why dont you donate to me?" HAHA. There was this fei fei, We were in PS, And we were just walking around cos you cant ask in shopping centers. And he ran up to me and said "Hey! I wanna donate." And he was so excited. A full grown kid mind ya. All in all it was a pretty great day and I enjoyed it. Like cmon, a day packed with hotties and nice eyes, Who wouldnt? The Girl Behind the Screen, 11:05 PM
It's hard to say it, time to say it. Goodbye.
Truth is, I really miss them. Like really, really. Today at Popular, someone just said, "Do you like Paul?" And me and Lin was like "What the hell?" Turns out they were talking bout Paul Twohill. DANG! HAHA. We've been checking our mail and we feel like slapping him. Bloody hell. Haha. I've got our whole clique hooked on reading. Which is like really funny. During class you look at us sitting in one role and all of us are reading on under our tables. HAHA. And all of a sudden one of us starts laughing. Or someone goes: "Oh my gosh!! So sweet! " HAHA. and they used to laugh at me. And I remember telling Chong I wanted to get those plastic pencil boxes, And I remember very clearly she saying: "So childish. How old are you? " Now, she has a plastic strawberry shortcake pencil box. HAHAHA. I cant remember what happened during the week. I just know on Tuesday all of us skipped SS after school. HAHAH. Training was like right. Played soccer. I was the goalie :D HAHAH. Hmm. Yesterday we all skipped our Humans and went to sick bay. Chermin got caught using her phone. Me and Gwen played sick. HAHA. Hmm. Gwen's being damn annoying. She keeps calling me Ah Neh. That's like a really annoying nick name. RARR. We were all supposed to go out together after school, But I was like so bummed out and tired that I just went back home to take a nap. RARR. The days are taking a toll on me. I miss them :( All I can think is that they lied. Friday's training was super short. But super amazing. Me, Bunny, Lin, Li wei and Debbie were on one team, VS Judy, Jo, Wan Ling, Qian Ru and Bel. We kept scoring. Everyone was like high cos I was high and everyone got high. Everyone was like Whoa what's with Anna today. I did alot of beautiful lay ups, passes, intercepts, lan di. Our team had a lot of on court chemistry. Bunny, Lin and Debbie. HAHAH. RARR! We won. Training ended at like 4. 30? Me, Lin and Qian Ru went to Macs to eat. I paid for everything. Fries, McFlurry and ice creams. HAHA. RARR! I was telling them bout the books I read, And I told them bout Whitney my love. They were so fascinated with it and they were like HURRY!! Some more!! And they followed me around to listen bout the story. HAHAH. Then Lin asked if Qian Ru still wanted to borrow Joy Luck Club and she went "Is that the story we just heard?" HAHAH. At the bus stop we were waiting for Lin's mom, And we saw this American dude wth really really nice eyes. And me and Lin were like PAUL!!!! RARRR!!! I miss them!! And Lin kept staring at him okay, He turned around and smiled at me and Lin was like ARH! HAHAH. Yeah. Youth Cell was awesome. Uncle Augustine cooked his trademark mee siam. The Ngs came!!! WHEE!! He shared bout the end times and the mark of the beast. Yeah. I really really miss them. The Girl Behind the Screen, 8:21 PM
The room.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I have liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realise that I recognized the names written on each card. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with all its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I have betrayed”. The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I have read”, “Lies I have told”, “Comfort I have given”, “Jokes I have laughed at”. Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I have yelled at my brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I have done in my anger”, “Things I have muttered under my breath at my parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were more cards than I expected. Sometimes less than I hoped. The sheer volume of life I had lived overwhelmed me. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even million of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I came to a file marked “Lustful thoughts”, I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled out the file only an inch, not willing to test it’s size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at it’s detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had ever been recorded. And almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them! In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. It’s size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a single card, only to find it stronger than steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to it’s slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I have shared the gospel with.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on it’s handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity and sorrow in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. “No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant, it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.” I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on it’s door. There were still cards to be written. The Girl Behind the Screen, 10:05 PM
Whirlpool of emotions
This past days have been like WHOA! Overwhelming pretty much says it all. Yesterday there were lots of people at the wake. Uncle Jim and Aunty Lai leng was there. HAHA. Unle Ian warned her not to crack any jokes. ROFLMAO. Okay. So when Aunty Sally went up during the eulogy we all started crying. Uncle Victor, Jehian, Uncle Paul, Aunty Wendy all came down. The funny thing was that they got the table with all char siew paus. HAHA. I found it really amusing. Aaron was lone ranger again. HAHA. I found out his girlfriend's name again. Haha. And I figured out who Uncle Jim looks like. Ken Lim from Singapore Idol. I'm serious. No kidding. HAHA. Everyone was like YEAH! Then Abigail tried to sing me a song. I was like WHOA! Dont sing to me. Sing to Uncle Jim/Ken Lim. Haha. We were really hyper cos I guess we were really tired. We were really nuts. Haha. We had a cousin bonding session throughout the night till morning. Except for Aaron who went back. Lone ranger. HAHA. And I think the genes thing in the males of our family was hilarious!! Should have seen Aaron's face. We finally did the Bye Aaron! thing to him. ROFLMAO!!~ I think the talking to Jame's laptop thing was really funny. Hahaha. What was even more funny was that Michelle and him heard me. Someone thought I was Michelle and someone thought Michelle was married to Lance!! HAHAHAHA. Damn funny. We played Bang! It's a super fun game. HAHA. Me and Lance were forever on the same side. The first time, we were a super powerful pair. Then the second, I accidentally killed him. THEN he killed me. HAHAH. Okay, so it goes that if you draw a beer card, You get an extra life. So Gail was like "Eh! The Kopitiam uncle is not powerful." And I went "Hey. Dont play a fool. He has alot of beer!" We couldnt stop laughing bout that. And the stunt that Michael pulled. Killing both his partners. HAHAHHA!! We laughed till our stomachs ached. It was hilarious. HAHA. Then Steph did something super stupid. She was the Sherriff and I was the Vice Sherriff. And stupidly, she listened to Gail. Gail was like:"I think you should kill Anna. She looks suspicious." BUT I was just lookiong normal. Haha. Some would say that that's suspicious in itself. So I said: "Go ahead. You dont know how Abigail is, you wanna listen to her do it." And Eugene said: "I'll laugh if she's the Vice Sherriff." And Stephenie killed me. I was like Voom! I'm the Vice sherriff. HAHAH. We laughed for like 5 minutes straight. And Eugene was like "Eh Anna, I like your style man." HAHAHA. Okay. So in this particular game, There's a card called Indians. And you have to put out a Bang! to counter the card, If not you would lose a life. And it was really funny cos I kept quoting Russell Peters. So I threw out the card and went: "Indiano!!" *Sharp intake of breath. "Indaino! NO! Indiano!" ROFLMAO!!~ Damn funny. The whole night was fun. We played till like 6 in the morning. Oh what was really gross was those bugs and flying ants that are attracted to the lights, They kept falling on our table and started getting really bad. We were all so grossed out. *Shudders. The floor was covered with its' carcasses. Talk bout disgusting. During the cremation, Everyone started crying so bad. Even the guys like Aaron. I like Yen Shan. She's very nice and cute. HAHAHA. We went for lunch after that with Uncle George and Aunty Sally. It was very enlightening and very opinionated. Just never figured for Aunty Sally to be a MacDonalds person. She was pegged as a high clss restaurant type. HAHA. Gee I wonder why!! Something that Aunty Honey once said struck me, It reminded me of my life before, How it can be so empty when you dont really have an intimate relationship with Him. When you do, Eveyrthing does fall back in place. Cos you would love Him, You would fear Him, Obey Him. What she said was: "I always knew He was real. I just never understood how to reach Him" And that is a very sobering thought, Because if we dont know how to reach our very own Father and Creator, And that is own of our main purposes in life, To have an intimate relationship with Him, Then really, What are we living for? The Apostle Paul once said: To live is for Christ. To die is gain. Likewise there is a song that goes: "To live for me is Christ, To know You is my life." So Yeah. There was another thing, She was saying that one of her favourite verses was: "He will never leave you nor forsake you." Which is somthing that He has been telling me, Over and over again. Even though Paul and Jay has left, I still have Him. And it's so somthing Paul and Jay would say :D You know that day at the wake, I was singing to Noah his favourite song, Happy Birthday. And instead of saying Happy birthday to Noah, I said Happy birthday to Paul. And I was like HUH! HAHA. Yeah, and all of a sudden, That day at Burger King with my friends, I thought of Paul laughing so loud over the evil principal and I started laughing like mad. My friends thought I was nuts. RARR!! I miss them. Why are they taking so long? I need you Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go. There's no other name by, Which I am saved, Would you capture me with grace, I will follow You. This world has nothing in for me. I will follow You. This world has nothing in for me. I will follow You. Rescue by Desperation band. HAHA. There was like only 7 of us at training. But it was damn fun. We did weights training, And everything was so Paul and Jay. RARR! Me and Lin were like ARGHH! HAHA. And he the trainer was saying that if they breathe wrongly while pumping iron, They get nosebleeds. HAHA. So Li wei was like then we all stick tissue up our noses. And I was like NO! TAMPONS!! HAHAHA! ( she's the man ) We all couldnt stop laughing for the next five minutes. Even the trainer. ROLFMAO!! Here's a quote. "We are afraid of losing what we have , whether it's our life or our possesions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand." Again, What's life without the Life Maker? The Girl Behind the Screen, 8:06 PM
Etched in time
Here's the pictures I promised. They get pretty emotional. Yeah. This one's for my brothers :D  St Margret's 25th June 2006 This was after Lin got saved. One of my favourites.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 Lin, Jay and me :D Wo ai ni men. His favourite phrase. Besides crazy that is. HAHA.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 Oh man. I really miss him and Jay. Really really do. People just wont understand.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 The last place we saw them. And they waved to us until they were out of sight. Here is when is starts getting emotional.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 It's some random stranger, But I always wanted to capture a shot like that. It pretty much sums up goodbyes. The back turned, The distance growing farther and farther.  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 If you leave me now.. You take away the biggest part of me..  Changi Airport Terminal 2 3rd July 2006 Haha. I made her walk and walk until I got the shot right where I wanted. Again. Bout goodbyes. I'm walking away..  3rd July 2006 Emptiness echoes  3rd July 2006 It's a lonely world  3rd July 2006 Here without you  3rd July 2006 The miles just keep rolling.  3rd July 2006 Just passing through  3rd July 2006 Through your eyes  3rd of July 2006 The world passes me by  3rd July 2006 Insignificant  3rd July 2006  3rd of July 2006 But at the end, there's always hope, Always the chance of life.. As long as you believe.. The Girl Behind the Screen, 5:56 PM
If you seek Me
Lin has been a real dear. I was really upset bout all the things happening, Bout Paul and Jay, And the things that has been so overwhelming. And I was feeling so alone, Upset cos of the things that has happened with them, But then He really sent comfort in ways you would never look for, And when it comes, you really know it's Him and no one else. I wanna thank Him, and all the people who have been encouraging me. Lin, Bel, Claudia, Gwen, Andrea, even Mrs Leong and Lee Ting Ting. All the people who have been telling me to cheer up. Chong, Lam, Kim, and yeah. I'm fine. I'm sorry bout what happened between us, And till now I dont know what happened, It sucks, cos we were the closest friends could be, When he left you were there with me, You were one of the very few people who knew. It hurts to see that we hardly even talk at all, Really, I would give alot for us to go back to the old times. You and the OBS people, and the unbeatables. When everything was falling down, I was messaging Lin, And she said: "Remember what you told me? Smile, cos it's what Paul and Jay would want us to do. Even though they've left, He's still here, And always will be." When I wrote those words, I never imagined that it would be as source of comfort to me as well. Thanks for the chocolates, the books, the ipod shuffle. I love ya my little sister. The picture's there in my file. People wask me who's that? And I smile a secret and say my sister and brother. I'm so exhausted, I havent slept more than 4 hours. And it's really only by His strength we're all standing. The chapter Paul told me to show Lin, Psalm 27, it really has uplifted me. The wake yesterday and the day before wasnt as depressing. We were actually quite over it. We could joke and laugh. HAHA. Aaron and his "da pao" I couldnt get over it, Neither could his girlfriend. We arent intending to let him live it down. I'm so touched. I'm the only person whose name she remembers. And Uncle Skip and his random: "Eh!! Chicken Pao!!" HAHAHAHAHA. School today was fine. I was so tired. I nearly fell asleep during Biology, Which is one class ( and one only ) I NEVER fall asleep in. Haha. Mrs Leong was really caring She's super nice. HAHA. Ching pulled another one of her stunts again today. Mrs Leong asked: "Which part of the snake not eaten?" And she happily shouted: "FUR!" HAHAHA. I couldnt stop laughing cos I was exhausted to the point of being hyper active. I remember Paul being hyper. HAHA. He couldnt stop laughing his loud booming laughter. ROFLMAO. Read during SS. Mr Tan was being spastic during Physics, And kept talking bout Superman. Like gee. Haha. I had cheese and ham sandwiches :D Gwen and Kim kept laughing and teasing me, Saying that I'm so lucky Daniel made me sandwhiches :S!! HAH. I went to the sick bay with Li wei cos I was so exhausted. V Wong and her indian friend was there :S I decided to go for Chemistry, Cos if not Gwen would be alone. There was Chinese Orals. HORRID. And Chong and Lam were making me laugh my ass off, Cam-whoring and making retarded faces. ROFLAMO! I went in and I skipped like alot alot of words. During the conversation, I kept repeating the same thing. The examiner looked like her eyes were going to cross. HAHA. Went home. Aunty Theresa, Daniel and Aunty Margret were there. And YAYY!! The twins!! So adorable!! :D Caleb wanted me to follow him again. Joshua cried when it was time to go home. I love them! :D They bring so much joy into my life. I miss Paul and Jay. Paul's taking really long to reply :( This song really helped remind me I was never alone :D If you seek Me you'll find Me, If you seek Me with all of Your heart, Not just a part. When the road that you travel, Seems like it never will end, I'll be your Friend. And the times that you feel like, This world is so far from your home, You're not alone. Cos I will never depart, If you seek Me with all your heart. The Girl Behind the Screen, 2:17 PM
What's life without the Lifemaker?
The Girl Behind the Screen, 5:59 AM
She passed away on the 3rd of June
Aunty Honey passed away at around 2145 hours on the 3rd of June. It was hard, cos she was the one who took care of us when we were young and mom was sick. I remember the places she would bring us, Especially me and Gail, Cos we were the ones who stuck with Michael and Melissa. Alot of that changed a long time ago, But until last night it wasnt a permanent change. The worse part was that Uncle Yen didnt get to see her first. Grandma's lying in the hospital now, And she doest know yet. Already she had a stroke and is temporarily blind. And I dont know how to offer any comfort. I mean how do you comfort someone who just lost a loved one, A blood relation to cancer forever? And it's a double blow for her since Grandpa died young on her cos of cancer. If anyone deserved peace it's her. I remember how bubbly Aunty Honey used to be, How happy she was. Then I see her all weak and frail, Nothing but skin and bones, Throwing up blood and all her insides. If that isnt enough to make a grown man cry, What is? The sight of someone you love being reduced to almost nothing, And there's nothing you can do bout it, Nothing you can do to ease the pain. How bout Michael, Melissa and Michelle. They already were seperated from their dad cos of the divorce and now this? Am I getting emotional? The Girl Behind the Screen, 4:06 PM
They're flying across an ocean now
I feel awful. I really miss Paul and Jay. I really really miss them. So many things remind me of them. Red bull. Nice eyes. "Crazy." "Come on." Smile. Ipod Nano. Airports. McDonalds. Bouncers. Frying pans. Aww shucks. Last week. Everything was a blur. It was, in the words of Jay, crazy. PE was fun. We ran the most for PE ever. The most real PE lesson. HAHA. Cant believe Zhi Yi and Debbie just washed their hair in the sink. Had to help them hold the hose and wach off shampoo. I cut my hair. It's so messed up. I asked the woman to TRIM it, and she cut it. It looks HORRID. I'm sad. Still thinking bout them. Training was good. It was bad. I broke the full length mirror. We went to Ikea before training to get gifts for Paul and Jay. I love the picture. I got it printed out. 3 copies. One for me, Paul and Lin. Bought a photo frame for Paul for the photo. We were cracking our heads to figure out what to get Jay, Then "DING!" A frying pan!!! HAHAH. I found it amusing. I kept pretending to fry things. The cashier thought I was crazy. Cabbed back down to school. When I made the card/letter for Paul, I couldnt stop crying. I have no idea what it is bout him that makes it so easy for me to share with him. All through the week I felt pretty down. I didnt feel any difference in my life. And it was pretty depressing. I kept praying and asking, And I just couldnt stop crying. I didnt understand. Where's the peace that's supposed to come? The glow, the change, the joy? I just didnt get it. And I checked my mail but Paul didnt get back to us. Sunday. Left the house at 7.40. Reached Bukit Batok at 7.50. And guess what. Lin was late. Suprise!! Not! Waited and waited. I wanna rent Rumour has it. Lin's mom dropped us at KAP Mac's. Lin bought a burger. We went to the Bukit Batok or whatever it's called shopping centre. Bought sushi. The woman was very nice. She gave me extra slices of salmon :D Waited for NTUC to open so we could buy super glue to write on the frying pan for Jay. Couldnt get a cab. Walked and tried to flag a cab. Finally got one. By the time they reached, Paul already was sharing. Something he said struck me. He was talking bout this girl who was laughed at cos she said she was gonna save herself for her future husband. And the girl just went up took the mic and said: " You can laugh at me, but you know what? I can be just like you in 5 minutes, but you can never be like me again." Pretty amazing. At the end, we gave Paul and Jay the stuff. The frying pan was so screwed. But they loved it. HAHA. Paul was like a little boy. He sounded like a little boy when he said: "You didnt mail me!" But he was the one who was supposed to mail us! HAHA. Jay said that they were really glad to see us and that Paul was talking bout us to his wife. HAHA. Paul said he already told his wife bout the offer. We told Paul bou the "Come on Paul!" Paul was telling us bout him and how irritated he was with England. He said he was even praying for Angels to stand in the goals. HAHA. ROFLMAO!! I can see his face when he was saying "They dont deserve to win." He kept saying "Now I know why I left England and came to Christ. Cos of the English football" HAHA. Amusing. Went down to History Makers with them in Chris's car. I'm telling you, the worship was AWESOME. And you could see all the youth really on fire. Really a blessing. Lin had to go back. At first I was gonna go back with her, But then I really wanted to spend more time with them. Jay hugged me and said bye, and I was like, I'm coming with you guys. HAHA. And he said, never mind, I'll take a hug from you anytime. AWW. Paul looked like an incredulous little whiny boy when he said: "WHAT? SHe didnt say goodbye to me?" Went to the next church in Chinatown in Chris's car. HAHA. The guy there, his name was Paul. And he was wearing a Mr Happy jacket, Which made Jay crack corny jokes bout geeting Mr strong jackets. Gee. They went down to get red bull. The old dudes were so fascinated over Paul's biceps. HAH. I like something that Jay said. Someone, I think it was Chris, was saying that Superman actually came from the concept of Jesus Christ. So Jay said: "But yeah, Jesus Christ aint no afraid of kryptonite." HAHA Their sharing was awesome again. I'm so looking forward to Paul's movie. (Paul to Ching Ho (I cant really remember her name, but yeah.) ) You made me cry!! I found that amusing. I think we can pretty much repeat their lifestory now. HAHA. I think what was really funny was when they started their Jay:"In your mouth." Paul:"No, on my head." Jay:"No, in your mouth." Paul:"No, why not your mouth? It's the one with steel in it." Jay:"No you're gonna roll it into a ball of steel in YOUR mouth." Paul:"Do I look like I have a big red nose to you?" SILENCE. Paul:"Okay. Actually I do have a pretty big nose.." HAHAHA. ROFLAMO. Jay's sharing got me, cos his mom died of cancer too, And I was thinking bout Aunty Honey and how frail she looks like, How much pain she's going through. It's really sad. When I said bye to them, I really felt very sad. I walked further down, took a cab. I told the cab driver to bring me to the nearest MRT, And he drove, right back to where I started out, Just the opposite side of the road. GREAT. Wasted 2.40. AND he still complained that I only had a fifty note. HAHA. I called Lin, And I dont know why I started crying. I really miss them you know. How could someone come to mean so much in such a short time? I've been very emotional nowadays. I dont know why. It's all Paul's fault!! Oh oh!! His daughters are adorable!! HAHA! :D Today (Monday) Woke up at 7. I couldnt sleep. I cant believe I let got so attatched. I hardly let people in cos it hurts so bad. Bathed, waited for Lin. She had last minute tution. So I cabbed down to her house to pick her. HAHA. Marc was funny. In the cab, we were all very sad. Do you the cab fare was 25 bucks! We were waiting there for them, And I told Lin, I'll bet I'll be able to spot them if they were here. And Lin was like "Yeah duh! Who has muscles like them?" Next moment I spot two big built guys a far way off, And I was like " I found them." HAHA. The very first thing Paul said to us was "You made me cry last night!" And he sounded like a little boy again :D Oh man. I miss them. Me and Lin were fooling around waiting for them to check in, Hitting each other and blaming each other, And we finally stop, and turn around, And there's this chinese family staring at us shocked. HAHA. The looks on their faces were classic!! They wanted to eat so they had BK. I had a bannana mocha frap. I was pretty sad by now. And then when we sat down, Paul started talking to us and we started crying again. CRAP. I really miss them. I was like YOU MADE US CRY! And he was like well, too bad. You made me cry yesterday, so we're even now. And I was like you made us cry last Sunday too. And he started gloating. America 2, Singapore 1 he said. They were all so hapy and we felt like two spoilt kids spoiling the fun being so glum. Paul ate ALOT. I think the story bout the teacher like chasing them right into the back of the office was super funny. But I couldnt really laugh. Paul was really high. I have no idea why. He kept laughing and laughing. And plus, his laugh is so loud. HAHA. I would give alot to hear their laughs again. And it was really funny. He was talking bout England and he said "That's crazy man." Which is such a Jay phrase. HAHA. I was like "Dude, you've been hanging around Jay too much, you just used the word CRAZY." And he was like "Seriously?" HAHA. He was saying that he was reading the letter, and crying, and his wife was really blessed by it,like a 16 year old girl being so touching, and all of a sudden, at the end I wrote " P.S. Nice eyes. Haha." Like right!! HAHA. I found that amusing. I was really sad. Mixed feelings. Paul went to the GST refund counter, He got a mint and he couldnt open the sweet! And the woman was laughing at him, And he said: " You're probably not gonna believe I rip up phonebooks." HAHA. Then after that, this woman had a survey for him, She was like was the service fast? And Paul was like yeah, there was no queue. Was the person friendly, polite? (I can reall picture this) Yeah yeah. BUT SHE WAS MOCKING ME!! Cos I couldnt open the sweet. She was laughing at me. ( The woman looks quite taken aback and doesnt know what to say) HAHA. And Paul's like I'm just kidding. HAHA. We were walking and dragging our feet cos we didnt wanna say goodbye. And I felt horrid. I feel horrid inside. I know I'm not supposed to look to them but to Him, But they've really come to mean so much. When we said goodbye, Me and Lin couldnt stop crying. CRAP. I cant believe Paul asked to policeman on duty to take the photo for us. LOL. It was amusing. And then there was like no memory. And he was like but there should be space for one!! I deleted one! The little boy was back. HAHA. Jay's cheeky smile. Paul said that Goodbyes werent bad. But I remember thinking, They are when it's what you hear too many times. Followed by promises that nothing changes, promises of staying in touch, Promises that are never fufilled. How can goodbyes not be a bad thing? And it sucks. After what happened so many years ago, I swore not to let anyone in. Lately, I let Bibi and Sasha in. Again, broken promises. Now, I cant believe I let them in. It hurts so bad. I hate goodbyes. And a lot of times this reality hurts. This truth that screams, This reality of 'hello's and knowing that soon, Down the road there will have to be a goodbye. No matter how much it hurts, No matter how long it takes to be torn away from me, There will be a goodbye. Look at YOU. Then Eric, Kwan, Sharon, Mak, Sarah, Sulistios, Lims, Bibi, Sasha, Valerie, Maria, Zhi Yi. How many is that? Didnt I learn from my mistakes? They all said they would always be here. But they all left. But I'll be better off this time. I've got my very Best Friend with me always. He'll never leave me, nor forsake me. But that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. It hurts bad. After they left, We were really down. I took lots of emotional pictures. I wanted to get one with someone surrounded by alot of people, But everyone is blurred except for that lone person. Not enough memory. Maybe it's contagious. I really miss them. I'm praying that they have a safe trip back to their family, And that His hand of protection will be on them. Went down town, Met Sabrina. She bought us lunch. Pastamania. Watched Just my luck, Cos we needed a comedy to cheer us up, But it didnt really work. I'm still kinda sad. I wanna slap Paul and Jay and scold them. HAHA. They probably wont even feel it. HAHAHA. The movie was okay. Not terrific, not bad either. It's quite a let down. I expected it to be better. But Chris Pine's eyes are nice too!! I think the part when they kissed then the sign keep changing from 'delayed' to 'on time' cos their luck kept switching was ubber funny. I miss them. I really really miss them. You know what I was thinking? I think that it's a bummer they didnt get to see the town. I would really have been glad to bring them out, The poor guys didnt even get to get real gifts for their families :D Paul, if you read this, leave a tag :D The Girl Behind the Screen, 7:17 PM |
ANNA CHEN JIEMIN |