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| MY WORLD
Forgive me, I loved you too much..
DR. SHEPARD: Yeah. … Christmas makes you want to be with people you love. (Addison looks up at this) … I'm not saying this to hurt you or because I want to leave you. Because I don't. (Addison looks confused) Meredith wasn't a fling. (Addison sits back instantly on guard) She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her. That doesn't go away because I decided to stay with you.
Wahahaha. cant wait. it's so sad, so sweet. I never knew what it was to love untill I loved you. I never knew what it was like to live until I loved you. "Last night was the best night of my life. It was my deepest wish enacted.. I could pretend we were married, that we had a future together.." hey. hmm. i cant remember what happened past few days. hahaha. yeah. i the books i read was " When love awaits " and " Paradise wild " by Johanna Lindsey. and i scanned through " Send no flowers " again. i cant seem to remember what was thursday's book. i know i studied Biology on thursday. maybe i didnt read at all. hmmm. on sunday we had the ba zhang making thing. it was kinda fun once you get the hang of it. yeah. hahaha. me and theresa were going to set up a buisness. shhe would make the ba zhaangs, and i would take a bike from uncle paul's shop and cycle around selling it. hahaha. i hired jacq as our designer and promoter. by the end of the day, we were so bored and sick of ba zhangs, we abandoned the idea. hahaha. hey that was after aunty linna's house okay. when dad said " the ba zhangs are ready! " everyone started groaning. hahaha. we played murderer. fun! hahaha. hahahaa. and the matchmaking and the revealing of the littlt secret to theresa. i think the classic was debbie's "yahoo matchmaking services!!" HAHAH! SERIOUSLY?! so it was like today i read " Hearts Aflame " by Johanna Lindsey. yeah. it was good. Kristen and Royce's story. it was the story before " Surrender my love " Selig's story. which was really good too. except that for all their stories, including their parents, they're all slaves of their soon to be spouses. yeah. havent read the parents' story but i figured it would be good too. i stayed home. cos val couldnt make it. i watched ladder 49 again. it was so sad!!! ARGH!!! " Who knows how many buildings are left standing because Jack was there, how many lives were saved because he was there... People asked me, " How is that fire fighters can run into a burning building, when everyone is running out?" Jack's courage is the answer to that question.." ARGH!!! SAD!!!and the red car.and his son. this show makes you like john travolta. he's dammit nice. his boxers!! HAHAH! and the confession thing. like seriously!! what's life without the Life maker? and when something goes wrong, go to the Master builder. ask Him what's wrong. i think that's something i havent done lately. asking Him was wrong with me. instead of blaming things that happened when i was young, it's time to look inside myself to see what when wrong. i want a new life to start afresh. but it starts from within.. I feel like an outsider. I am no longer a part of the chain i used to be a link in. I feel so damn alone, like no one would even know if i never came back. I am all alone. Why do i want you more than my next breath? -Bittersweet Rain- The Girl Behind the Screen, 5:56 PM
I love you more than yesterday, less than tommorrow
forgive me, i loved you too much..
yeah. school today was fine.
double english. i actually listened. i think. oh yeah.
and so did i during math. i am proud of myself.
i got back my biology test.
i got 16/30.
barely passed. i'm annoyed. should have studied. what the hell am i doing with my life?
newsflash: i dont know where i wanna go, what i wanna do.
the only place, only future i know is in your arms.
and now that you're gone. where do i belong?
during recess i went to watch them play badminton.
it was pretty amusing yeah. hahaha. maria and xin ni are damn good. like seriously.
double literature.
she had a really short fuse today. her temper was like WHOA! like seriously "smelly face" HAHAH!
hahahah. yeah. forward. hmm. today's book was " Send no flowers " by Sandra Brown. really good. sad. tragic, but happy ending :D
biology practical was okay.
shermin is seriously damn dumb.
hahha. they gave the bodily fuids and she didnt use it.
pancreatic juice. WHAT THE HELL? like seriously!!! HAHAH.
training was okay.
like what 8 people?
geee. did good defense and attack though. i think.
i managed to drive past pat twice!!! :D!!! yeah.
amy's going OBS.
not fair. i miss OBS!! i miss bibi. i miss the closeness all of us shared. we're drifting away.
i konw it i can feel it.
you said "easy, i wont hurt you."
but you already did.
far more than you can imagine.
you said that you love me.
but were is this love you speak of?
i cant see it,
i cant touch it,
and i sure as hell cannot feel it.
all i can do is here it.
and words aint enough.
they really arent.
so now it's time for me to walk away,
clench my fists and wrench my guts out.
yeah, cos if your heart's not in it,
dont try to fake what you dont feel.
if your love's already gone,
it's not fair to lead me on,
cos i would give the whole world for you,
anything you ask of me i'll do.
BUT i wont ask you to stay,
i'd rather walk away,
if your heart's not in it..
The Girl Behind the Screen, 9:26 PM
hello and goodbye to you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do To look you in the eye And tell you i don't love you It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie To show no emotion When you start to cry I can't let you see What you mean to me When my hands are tied And my hearts not free We're not meant to be It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do To turn around and walk away Pretending i don't love you
you mean so much to me that i wish there was a way i could express it in words. i love you so much that i wish i could show you how much. so many ways of saying, of showing, but words seems to fail me, actions seems too small. my life's so empty without you, but everything seems to little, too undeserving of you. so many ways to express this feeling inside of me, but not a single one feels like the right one. so many memories of us, but right now, none of them seems like they'll ever be enough for me. so many people around me, telling me how they'll always be here for me, how much i mean to them, but not one of them fills this emptiness inside of me, cos not one of them is you. cos no matter what they say i know that when i wake up every morning you wont be by my side, i wont see a message from you. i know i wont be hearing your voice or seeing you face, feeling the warmth of our embrace for a very, very long time. and a lot of times this reality hurts. this truth that screams, this reality of 'hello's and knowing that soon, down the road there will have to be a goodbye. no matter how much it hurts, no matter how long it takes to be torn away from me, there will be a goodbye... The Girl Behind the Screen, 10:39 PM
There's no denying that you're on my mind every moment of the day
yeah i wanna go home, into your arms where i belong. i wanna tell you how much you mean to me. i want my very own romance, my very own lover to hold close for the rest of my life. i wanna wake up beside you every morning, knowing that i love you and you love me, thinking and knowing that love is enough. i want my very own lover to be able to see my when i'm crying, my tears flowing down, my eyes puffy, nose red, and basically i look my worst, i look like crap. and i want that person that i love so much, to be able to tell me that i'm beautiful. and actually mean it. with all that warmth and love shining in those dazzling eyes. and there in the curve of that strong beautiful shoulders, i'll find comfort, i'll live out my fantasy. there's something bout seeing a person who just left you walk away, further and further away, as the distance grows, and all that is left is space. empty, hollow, space.. i dont ever wanna see your back turned back on me, cos i know i'll miss you like hell. and if that day ever comes, when we have to be apart, i want to be able to see you walk away with calm, knowing that you'll miss me as much as i miss you. heya. school today was alright. except for morning assembly. she took so long to come. like seriously. we stood there for like 15 minutes? seriously. i just sat down. hahaha. nicole applauded me. hahaha. jaey came to me and yeah she was like "EH!! stand up!!" and she took out her booking book and i was like are you going to book me for sitting down?! hahaha. when she finally strolled in, i started clapping. hahaha. and nicole and eunica joined in. like hello! she was so late and she strolls in, no apology nothing?! SERIOUSLY! hmm. english. we couldnt open the door so yeah. we wasted quite alot of time :D hahahaha. i'm such a loafer. i remember just reading my book. today was "Sunny Chandler's Return" by Sandra Brown. i'm such a sucker for romance. like seriously. hahaha. hmm. so yeah. math. i finished my book within the 2 periods so i didnt have any to read. my stash was locked up in class, so yeah. i actually listened!! he did trigo and bearing today. we were super late for accounts cos we were released late, and after that we went to class to sit around and chat then go up to class. hahaha. so yeah. left 5 minutes or so till recess by the time we got settled down. i'm such a loner. i feel like i'm looking in on the circle i once used to a link in. so yeah. recess. i went looking for her to claim back my book. she wasnt in school today. so for once during geography, i wasnt reading. she was suprised. chines was fun. new class so we got to sit in our own arrangements. hahaha. guess what?!! i got full marks for mo xie. and all the rest got 11, 11.5 or so. hahaha. not suprising, considering we all copied. hahaha. BUT for mock exam i got 20!! higher than all of them. zhi yi and all got like 13 or so. hahaha. i was second in class okay :D!! like seriously!!! and they were so annoyed. hahaha. they were like LAO SI!! she threw dice to chose her answers. hahaha. seriously. hilarious!! yeah. clarissa couldnt stop her " PADDLE POP! super duper yummy!! YEAH YEAH!! YO YO!! " hahahaha. seriously should have seen zhi yi's face. hilarious. she was trying SOOO hard to ignore her. especially after she wrote such ugly words on her chinese book so humongously huge. hahaha. yeah. BREAK!!
biology. she went through important things for practical tommorrow. practically the whole book like seriously.
hahah. after school was nafa.
yeah.
i did it in pinafore.
she told me 45 was an A.
stretched like nuts.
did 45. in the end, A was a 46 cm. felt so bloody cheated. hahaha.
did 14 pull ups.
and shuttle run was damn slow cos i was in pinfaore. 10.5. last year i did 9 something. neh neh.
yeah. UH OH! havent started studying. and it's desperate housewives now. and then.. GREY'S ANATOMY!!!! the best show ever!!!!! :DDD i love Mer/Der, Christina and Burke are so cuute!! and Dr Bailey is hilarious!!!
like seriously!! " George.. STOP LOOKING AT MY VA JAY JAY!! " roflmao!!!~ oh one more thing. aunt and cousins flew off back to new zealand today. loved the laughs but bye for another year. hahhhaha. NUTS and TRACING PAPER. classics. yeah. okay okay goodbye for now!!! :D
The Girl Behind the Screen, 10:11 PM
He lost his heart to the one woman he could not lay claim to..
http://hjackman.com/
The Girl Behind the Screen, 7:42 PM
Denial
denial. it's not just a river in Eygpt. it's a freaking ocean. so how do you keep from drowning in it?
hey.
so i went to church yesterday night.
worship was amazing.
like seriously.
uh huh. so yeah, we reached home at around 12 plus.
i didnt go to school today.
which was well, GREAT.
woke up at 11 :D felt so damn good.
like seriously.
haha. and the people in school were just having a break when i had the whole day off. YEAH!
so i ate and read,
and decided to go down to the clinic with stephenie at around 1.
we waited for like 1 hour before we even got called.
at least i had my book.
today was " White Lion's Lady " by Tina St John.
she's a pretty good writer too.
" Black Lion's Bride " was good too.
really sad and touching.
why do i love romance so much?
cos i think maybe reading bout it would fill me with the same joy they have.
the same sense of completelness and peace when they're in each other's arms.
but denial's all that that is.
there is no such thing as a happy ending no matter how much i want to deny it.
what happens after marraige vows and a few kids later?
quarrels.
i dont think there ever is such a such thing as happy endings.
you see so many of it in movies, in books,
but in real life, there's no evidence of it.
look at the cruel world.
look at us.
US.
it always comes back to us..
cos it always comes back full circle.
and i wanna go home.
whhen i'm with you.
it feels so right.
like i've finally come home.
but no.
that's just an illusion yeah?
yeah.
stupid doc took so long.
he's like retarded.
and so unwilling to help.
not like the people in grey's anatomy!!
ARGH! i'm obsessed.
Patrick Dempsey!! hahaha.
Derek is so pitiful.
it's so sad and heart wrenching!!
RARR!! he CRIES.
like seiously!!
"If love were enough, she'd still be here with you.."
sorry. hahhaa. got a little carried away there.
forgive me.
haha. but watch the show and you'll understand what i'm feeling!!
WHERE ARE THE DVDS?!! LIKE SERIOUSLY?!?!
hahaha. i jyst watched 3 episodes straight.
ahh! the bliss.
hahaha. guess what.
i randomly typed PD's name into friendster's search page.
hahaha. and found him.
amusing hair.
like seriously. check it out.
HAHAHA! ROFLMAO!!
like seriously man!! hahaha.
dude.
coolest hair on the planet.
hahahaha!!
cant get over it.
rachel!! buy me the DVDS! hahaha.
oh yeah.
i realised how much little time i have left.
i'm gonna mug.
gonna study.
make something out of this life.
just cos you aint here doesnt mean i'm not gonna carry on.
like i've made a fool out of myself over you,
i'm not gonna be a greater fool by throwing my life away i swear.
he looked at her and his breath came a little faster.
she smiledand his heart squeezed a little tighter.
forgive me for ever thinking i could live even a moment without you.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 8:11 PM
may be surrounded by, a million people i, still feel alone.
why do i keep hitting myself with a hammer? because it feels so damn good when i stop. hey yall. life has been more or less the same. yeah. past week has been the Feast of Unleavened Bread so yeah. interestig. makes you realise how wonderful bread is. and when all this is over, i'm getting my ass down to marche and drinking mushroom soup. with EXTRA croutons. yeah!! haha. so lots of brushes and quarrels with my mom and family but yeah. i survived. i love grey's anatomy. the show i mean. it is like the best show ever. and yesterday's episode of CSI was real good too. the exams really are not far away. kinda scary but i want to study but cant seem to get my ass down to it. i cant rememeber what happened last week. it has been a blur. except for baby sitting and swimming with the NGs and TANs on sunday. yeah. Tuesday. hmm. so i was sitting there wishing there jo phang wont be there, so i could read my book. yesterday was "You belong to me" by Johanna Lindsey. i think. yeah. and guess what? i stepped into class and tada! she wasnt there!! WHEE!! hahaha. plus we had double period which meant 1 hour 3o minutes of wholesome reading!! :D yeah. hahaha. Wednesday. we did broad jump for PE. francis took us. hahaha. he asked what i got last year and Fedora bitch reaad wrongly as 139. hahaha. francis got a shock. we cheered xue qing!! hahaha. funny shit. talked about failure A and failure P. hahaha. took bebe's money and they tried to rape me. i seriously never felt so violated in my entire life. hahaa. then we played hot and cold. that guy was simply un-nervingly disgusting. hahaha. i can remember who but someone asked " what school are you from? " hahaha. and i remember souting out " CRESENT GIRLS!! " hahaha. dude. that was so funny. all the snickers and guffaws. hahha. i think bebe made some funny comment bout him too. cant remember what. so yeah. that's about all for today.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 5:52 PM
ice age 2
life without you is like a doughnut.
with a hole in the middle of my heart.
okay.
so today was sports day.
woke up at 6 and left the house at 6.15.
record time.
hahaha.
sasha bought breakfast for me. yeah.
macdonald hotcakes :D
helped joseph house.
hahaha.
it was reallt warm.
hung banners and all.
it was pretty boring.
was the piggy back king.
she was like trying so hard.
gee.
eyeliner and acting cute and all.
yucks.
oh wells.
was supposed to have movie marthon.
cabbed down.
ate baked rice with marie cheerleaders.
yeah.
all 19 of us went to watch ice age 2.
funny shit.
susan was laughing so loudly.
hahaha.
truth be told i was like really annoyed.
i went back after walking around.
i was so bummed.
i dont know why.
watched the passion dvd.
it's awesome you know.
it still has such a great impact.
it's beautiful.
i wanna go to one of their conferences.
yeah.
church next day was pretty much the same yeah.
the twins were adorable.
noah too.
you just wanna pinch his cheeks and hug him!
hahaha.
kids are great and so adorable.
i dont know how people can hurt them.
i realise i cant go on friday!!! :(
"sid's not my kid.
if i had a kid,
and that kid had a kid.
and that kid had a pet,
yeah.
THAT would be sid."
hahaha. that's suuuper funny.
so many movies to watch still.
V for vendetta.
failure to launch.
tristen and isolde.
take the lead.
X men 3's coming out.
i watched cutting edge 2. yeah.
ross thomas.
his eyes are like gorgeous!! hahaha.
cutting edge 2 was good.
real good.
sweet, nice.
what did it feel like? lonely. empty. just cos you aint there..
cos i dont want the world to see me, cos i dont think that they'll understand.
and when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who i am.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 10:18 PM
hello stranger.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 6:55 PM |
ANNA CHEN JIEMIN |
