| MY WORLD
Saturday, July 31, 2004
i hate you. not because i want to, but because you put me off.
you are crying out for attention,
i mean literaly.
you cry so that people surround you,
ask you if you are okay.
you want so much to be accepted,
to be defined as cool,
to be well liked,
but you're not. when i tease you,
it's not that i want to.
its just me.
but i stopped.
you know why?
cos that day you were all crying and you blamed me for everything
so i decide to be nice and shut up.
but, you really piss me off do you know that?
i be nice and what do you say?
i put on a false front and you cry.
and blame it on who?
me.
me,me,me.
it really makes me mad.
you cut yourself and show it to the whole world.
" look everyone, i cut my self,
because i am so damn sad.
pity me everyone."
get a life.
if you want my attention,
i'm sorry,
cos you wont get it.
you dont deserve it.
i'm not put here to please everyone.
if you dont like it suit yourself,
cos i'm not obliged.
i was not even talking to you.
not even insulting you.
if you think i shouldnt have passed those comments,
you should have just shut up.
i was really tempted to slap you right in the face.
and you would have deserved it.
cos at that rate you were going, you disgusted me.
i wanted to say "shut up.
if you think i shouldnt pass comments,
speak about yourself.
you go around doing things so you can be accepted.
but i'm not gonna shout at you,
and give you a reason to cry,
cos when you cry you're gonna blame it on me.
when actual fact is that you're crying so you can get attention.
you can shout back at me,
but i dont care,
cos i dont care what they think about me,
unlike you.
i'm not gonna cry
and like want the whole world to come and ask me if i'm alright."
you do all kinda annoying things,
and think that if you act innoncent,
and say sorry everything would be fine.
sorry, i am sad to say your line of thinking sucks.
you know this is about you,
and i really, really hope you see this.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 6:31 PM
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
heys. unlucky day today. i was limping around like a limping human. training yesterday was a hmmm. let me say a fun killer. it was tough but not so tough. it killed my knees and ankle, so i was suprised i was able to walk. tho when i woke up i was crawling on the ground. hah! and tada! i fell down in the toilet. shucks. went to school, fell down again. that was it. i crawled around for the rest of the day. and no judy tan, you're not gonna be sharon ng. cos sharon still has loadsa potential left, even after she's so good. and please keep that ego of yours in check. pride comes before a fall. we're gonna start a buddy system. i think i'm gonna take wan ling and alex. cos i dont know who else to talk to without getting aggitated. if judy becomes captain, her head will be bigger than the basketball net. okay. i'm getting weird friendster messages. from random people i do not know, asking me about guitars. right. and they all are from church and play basketball. right. am i missing out on something here?
The Girl Behind the Screen, 5:38 PM
Saturday, July 24, 2004
heys. yesterday was walkathon day.
we walked a thon and my legs ache now.
ooh! we got kim a new pair of shoes man!
did i tell you that i finally realise the meaning of " joy of giving"? you should have seen how happy she was! whee!tong couldnt tell who's shoe it was if the color was changed. how cool is that? after the stuff, we stayed to help cleanup. me and ms mak was observing who doesnt work with brains. mr sng and mr francis. mr sng is cool. haha.he like carries the bench over the table instead of sliding it under? and we were saying he works with muscles without brains. haha. and the next moment he injured his hand. haha, how cool is that? he scolded me again. for nothing at all. my class was being good reciting the pledge, and he kept staring at me. when they laughed because mrs chan cracked a joke. i didnt even laugh okay. and he scolded me and said, dont make me send you home. i was like "it's not me.." but obviously did he believe me? NO! i dont know why i just cried. like fuck him. NOT! i told sylvia and tong and jo, and they were like whats his problem. do you know that he is always like that? we are forever wrong. he doesnt belive us. its so annoying. just the things he say. he can say i make him vommit blood. that's okay. cos maybe its just true, but then he cant come and scold me for something i didnt do. it's just not fair! sylvia was like dont like that la. today is racial harmony day. i was like; "what racial harmony? he's of the same race as me." everyone just laughed. but i was still crying. mr lau was wondering what the heck the whole fuss was about. ask that man who looks like popeye with the whistle in his mouth. we lost to scgs. and i say it's my fault. i could see that patrick wasnt really happy. i couldnt look him in the eye. neither could jo. the tears just kept coming and flowing and i couldnt stop it. but i played my heart out i swear. what went wrong may i ask? i know i went wrong. but why do we have to lose to them, everytime we see them? its like eric believed so much we could win. and again, we let him down. The Girl Behind the Screen, 1:05 PM
Saturday, July 17, 2004
whee! today was my day please.
not really, but yea.
i'm sorry guys if i've been mean,
but all i see is a crumbling team.
maybe its my fault,
maybe its not.
i'm sorry that's all i can say,
but it was frustrating.
our match is on wednesday,
amd we're so divided,
and we're like not serious.
i mean ok,
i'm at fault too,
but sometimes i just think of it and i get worked up,
i dont mean to shout,
but this competition means a lot.
hell lot.
eric believes in us so much,
patrick?
he was crushed by our performance.
i dont care if its SCGS,
i dont wanna hear that name and go like
" shit! we can't beat them.
we've been thrashed again and again"
tong and jo: i'm sorry if i seemed rude or bossy,
but i didnt mean to. it's just frustrating yea.
i mean our competition is on wednesday,
we got like one training more,
and i cant play properly,
and i guess i and everyones not serious.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 7:48 PM
Friday, July 16, 2004
today's training was ok. we won patrick! haha. i did a few drives but the ball only went in one or twice. o wells. that's the problem with me, according to ms mak, i do everything nicely but dont put the ball in. sigh. what can i do? yesterday we went to NIE to play ball with ms mak, lam, zhong, roy and other friends of ms mak. actually ms mak didnt want to go but i made her promise me. haha. the power of persuasion, she bought a shirt just to play with us. what can i do its called the gift of the gap. haha. o wells. i took quite a while to warm up, and after that played 5 on 5, then four on four with the guys and some random people. i put in like 2 lan di, and 3 shots. not bad right.. haha. it was about raffles match. i guess he was right. we didnt believe in ourselves, and we lost half the battle against them. you can say that in a way we didnt believe patrick, cos we didnt think we would win. but i guess i played my heart out, and no one can judge me on that. raffles just only proved what we knew. our best is not as good as theirs. i'm gonna play SCGS like it is my last match, cos it will be if we lose. i can see eric so totally wants us to win, patrick ms mak and our seniors too. i'll try not to let them down. cos beating SCGS would be my best birthday ever. and we would.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 8:08 PM
Saturday, July 10, 2004
heys. trainings were great. i guess mr pat's back. PIA as what tong calls it. Patrick in action. haha. he's back again, no longer the patrick we dread, but back to the patrick we look up to. haha. it was so funny on wednesday training when he started dancing to "From the rising of the sun" haha. he was like shaking his butt. i swear i could have rolled on the ground. gosh. obscenity. and he kept on talking about like cindy?! haha. and when kim drived in against pat she was so damn happy and started dancing?! or like screaming? haha. and yesterday, we did physical. not really physical, but the routine trainings we used to the last year. that's our physical now. i guess although we had worst phsicaks before i still couldn't take it. or rather, i succumbed to my fatige. i could have pushed myself, but i didnt. we played match against pat and sec ones and tong and shi yun, and i guess i gave up half way. i dont know what was wrong with me, but i just couldnt focus. later i woke myself up. i mean after all our match was on tuesday, and i couldn't give up if we were losing right? like hy said. if you go on court with that kind of mentality you lost half the battle. that perked me up. and then i remebered tong telling me: " the worst kinda defeat is giving up. " if fisher had given up in the game where he made that last minute shot, lakers would have lost. if the other team hadnt started rejoicing at the 0.8th second they would have won, cos fisher wouldnt have taken that shot and scored so yea. stc basketball 03's motto: it's all in the mind guys. all in the mind. later we played against patrick and sec ones, and pat drived in, and i think i like hit his hand and poked his stomach, and yea. the lay up went kinda off? okay. like way off. addy and debbie hurt and injured themselves. then later all the sec ones played the match and then he asked us to bet on which team would win, and we all betted on amanda, judy, lin, michelle and some one else. the other team was chen yi, qian ru, wann ling and some others. haha. and we were like, dont worry, any team with qian ru would lose. haha. me and kim were like, what we doing now? like play spot the difference? patrick said a short ten minutes game, 3 balls and then he said it would take damn long. i tell you the match was hilarious. got like all kinds of stupid stuff? like dumb, retarded looking poses by amanda ng right jo? haha. and the catch the ball, miss, do-ing! on wan ling's head right tong? haha. patrick was laughing like a crazy nut. haha. and he went like almost rolling on the floor? and then finally he said. okay! i''ve made up my mind. 1 ball!!!! haha. we were laughing so hard me and tong nearly fell off the bench. then mr tan walked pass and then we pointed behind him and said oi! and he bent down, ducked and covered his head?! haha. then trhey accused me of drinking patrick's drink which i did not and everyone kept shouting anna got her first kiss, guess who? patrick. so embarrassing and irritating. i was like screaming and i rammed into debbie. even chess joined in. hmmph! later they stopped and jo was like are you okay and i was like no! and she was like you want a hug and i was like no. haha. and addy was like anna come here, cos she needed support for her ankle and i moved away. then she was like. okay lah sorry k? i never say anything k?! it was so fun. haha. and then tong was trying to stretch and i wanted to help her and push me back down, she looked at me with the hugest eye ever and said: no! haha. it was so funny. like how she looked at jo when she wanted to eat the crabstick which dropped on the floor. she was like will have stomach ache one! haha. which reminds me that when we were eating goreng pisang she said, will make you have diarhea one, then she was like i help your make next time k? haha. i turned to her and said, now then that time we will REALLY get diarhea. haha. and we all laughed. during science, mr tan was saying that he was going to wear shorts and cut his hair cos it was really hot and i was like "like you even have any hair left" and he was like hey! that kinda look and said: anna you want to stand outside? haha. then he told us we we had to turn on the switch in a certain if not the thingy would explode and the glass would fly into his face or something, and shu shan was like: oo. so is that was happened to your face? haha. what the heck.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 11:43 AM
Saturday, July 03, 2004
i'm estatic. i'm happy. i'm overjoyed. we won CHIJ TP!! 27 - 12! for once in this year, i felt the real joy of playing your heart out. rebounds. down up again. down up again. patrick was especially proud of me. once in probably 5-6 months. i kept blocking out, but i also fouled 4 times. once more and i would have been fouled out. i never played so much before. right down to the very second. then peep! the final whistle and i just felt like laughing. i felt like dancing. cos i knew i gave my all, i fought the battle, and we deserved to win. i felt like bel's victory dance. i saw patrick and he was all smiles. i think it was my first time playing for the whole 45 minutes. i told you HY. i just told you i would prove that i earned this jersey. i told you i would show eric his efforts aint wasted. and i did it. i was so afraid i didnt give my best. i was physcing myself up. i kept telling myself that if i didnt give my all it would be my last game. joanne knows that my hands were shaking. i couldnt sleep. but it turned out for the best didnt it.? yea. o wells. our next match is against Bukit Merah Secondary on next next tuesday. i'm going to give it all. i'm gonna let the bench players have a chance to play cos we'll pull ahead of them. it's not complancency, its pushing yourself and setting a goal. we can only lose to one team. which means we have to at least beat BMS and either Raffles or SCGS. its gonna be a tougher fight this time. its gonna be wild, cos i know jo kim, bunny, amanda me and everyone else will give their 120%. way to go girls. good job today. rock on!
ms mak,eric,patrick: thanks for all you've done for us. without you guys we wont be here today. we wont be half we are. not that we're fantastic but ya. i think you get what i mean, thanks for not givin up on us and believin we'll make it someday. hope we dont dissapoint ya.
The Girl Behind the Screen, 2:15 PM
Friday, July 02, 2004
heys. we played against Guang Yang secondary school yesterday and thrashed them 66-2. i would say its a job well done on their part. not mine. o wells. the people have such bug attitude problems. but i shall not go into that cos i have one too. we're playing against CHIJ TP tommorrow. its gonna be a fight, and HY i'm gonna prove i desreve this jersey. i'm gonna fight my guts out. at least i'm gonna try. i feel bad for Li Wei. i mean she should be in top 12. her attendance is probably partly because of us cos we're kinda mean i must say. i'm gonna try to be nice to her. cos i know how it feels to be looked down upon by everyone. my back hurts like hell. my wound opened up again. but who cares? here we come CHIJ TP!
The Girl Behind the Screen, 7:51 PM
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ANNA CHEN JIEMIN
17 JULY 1990
SAINT THERESA'S CONVENT
GUITARIST AND CHILD OF YAHWEH
SINGAPORE
BASKETBALLER
PATRIOT.NOT
WHITE
The One who gave His life for me
My family
My friends
Big brothers and Little sister :D PJLA
Basketball and basketballers
Writing songs, poems
Music
Coffee (Starbucks over Coffee bean anytime :D)
Ben & Jerry's
Carl's Junior
Sushi
Travelling round the world
Photography
Backpacking
Kids
Grey's Anatomy!! :D
Friends Season 1-10!
Reading!!
Happy endings
Hotties and NICE EYES! :D
OBS!
BLACK
Goodbyes
Satan
Broken promises
Back stabbers
Air pollutants
Abusive parents
Abortions
GOLD
Psalm 27
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and they fell.
3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise up against me, in this will I be confident.
4 One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to enquire in His temple.
5 For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavillion: in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me; He shall set me upon a rock.
6 And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in His taberncale sacrifices of joy: I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord.
7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me and answer me.
8 When Thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto Thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.
9 Hide not Thy face far from me; put not Thy servant away in anger: Thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.
10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.
11 Teach me Thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.
12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.
13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait I say, on the Lord.
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